Our birth story

The day we've been waiting for finally arrived! Here's how it happened...

I was scheduled to work on Monday from 10-6 at Whole Foods. I was starting to be annoyed with being at work only because every one kept asking me why I hadn't given birth yet. I really wanted to have her, but I wasn't even due yet, so I wasn't sure why I kept getting that question over and over.

So there I was, on the floor, putting away vitamin after vitamin, getting more and more uncomfortable. I was talking to a coworker, Debbie, who told me she predicted I wouldn't have the baby till December 7th. "don't you put that voodoo on me, Debbie! Take it back!" I said. I asked her and Shaun if if was possible to take too much evening primrose oil, as I had recently upped my intake again. They weren't sure, so we all looked it up and you can't really overdose, you just might get stomach pains and loose stools from it. Either way, the recommended dose for softening the cervix by week 38/39 was 4000mg a day. Ok, I was fine. But that explained why I had been feeling nauseous the past couple days. Or was I feeling nauseous because labor was coming soon?...

My shift was coming into the last hour and Shaun was leaving for the night. Before he did, I said, "Shaun, I'm going to need you to pray that I go into labor tonight. Please. Just keep praying until you get a text from me that she's here." I then let out some sort of weird exhale moan of distress and impatience/discomfort and Debbie looked at me and said, "oh my gosh you MIGHT have her tonight! I just got chills!" I kind of laughed and probably said something like "I hope, but I doubt it."

And so it became 5:30 and I decided to go back and start my leave paperwork with the PBS office. (I had forgotten they leave at 5). But before wheeling my cart off the floor, I ran into our Vega rep, who stopped me to write off some free product for me. She borrowed my sharpie to sign off the bar code. "Cool, thanks so much!" I said as she handed me a tub of vanilla chai plant protein. In my head, I was thinking, I still have so much of this at home. I was ready to leave the floor when she asked, "Danny likes chocolate, right?" and wrote off another tub. "Wow, thank you..." I'm ready to leave again when she pulls out packets and bars and Starts writing on all of them and waiting for each signature to dry. I was getting antsy, as I had really wanted to leave and get started on paperwork and then go home on time. But here I was getting free stuff that Danny would really like, especially the chocolate coconut bars.

Then all of a sudden I felt a gush of fluid go into my pants and I exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, I think my water just broke!" she asked, "are you serious?" "yep! Um...gotta go. Thanks for all this." "wait, here's your sharpie!". I took it and tried to run off of the floor, pushing my cart at a very loud speed. I figured my pants probably look like I peed myself and I wanted to get to the bathroom. I wasn't sure what to do, and I was in disbelief since your water doesn't usually break until you've been in labor for a while. I also was fearing my water breaking because if I didn't go into labor within 24 hours, I would have to be induced due to my Strep B. ah! Great! What did I do now? Come on contractions!

So I ran-waddled into the bathroom and was followed by 5 people, Nadia & Debbie from my team, Lauren and Lani from grocery, and then my team leader, Vanessa. They all were making sure I was ok and asking me what I needed. Nadia brought me a new pair of leggings from the Threads for Thought back stock. Vanessa brought me three choices of pads and my purse. I called Danny to tell him what was happening. He was in disbelief. I also couldn't believe my water had broken on the sales floor, something we had been joking about for months.

Danny had been at his parents that afternoon where he was working on building a desk. He had worked the night before and still had not gone to sleep. He said he needed to shower., etc and I said I would meet him at home. "no! Don't drive!" said everyone. So we decided he would meet me at the store and we would drive home together to shower and take naps before labor started.

I called the midwife answering service once we got into the car as he stopped for gas, which we were out of. Once Shaina called me back, she told me she would meet us at the hospital at 10pm, and to call her if things progressed more quickly.

I felt badly that Danny hadn't slept all day, and now would possibly be up all night. I also was tired from working all day, since everything made me tired. But I had nothing on his state of exhaustion. I started getting contractions in the car, but they weren't painful. They were definitely different from the Braxton Hicks I had been having up until then. I was kind of confused. Isn't this supposed to hurt? They don't really. Do I have a really high pain tolerance or is this going to get a lot worse?

Danny was freaking out on the ride home. Maybe it was because he was so tired. He was driving like a crazy person and freaking out. I was really calm and had to tell him everything was okay and to be calm. It was cute.

So we went home, both showered, and we climbed into bed. I turned on a movie and Danny instantly fell asleep. I tried to sleep, but my contractions kept me awake. I timed them on a contraction app I had on my iPhone. The were coming anywhere from 2-5 minutes apart. Wait, why were they so close together if they aren't painful? I called my midwife again to ask if I should go into the hospital since that's what I was supposed to do when y contractions became regular. She told me she would meet me at the hospital at 10. Danny texted our parents that my water had broken and I texted a few friends and my parents too.

We gathered the last of our things, and our packed hospital bags and got in the car to go have a baby! It was surreal. And poor Danny had only napped for an hour or 2.

It was 9:08 when we left our apartment. We arrived at the hospital a bit before 9:30 and got an awesome parking spot. (Bonus of having a baby outside of normal business hours.). We walked in and turned right and headed for the elevator to the 2nd floor of the Clatanoff pavilion- labor and delivery land. We walked through the super secure double doors and told the front desk that I was in labor, and our midwife was meeting us there. I had to fill out a mini piece of yellow paper with my basic information. We then followed a nurse into a side room, our bags, lunch box, laptop, and pillows in tow.

I was a little confused as to what was happening. I thought we would get admitted to a room right away because I had to be there because of strep b. No one explained to me what was happening. The German nurse told me to put the hospital gown on. Danny asked me, "didn't you want to wear your own clothes?" I told him I did, but that I would just put that on for now. I left my tank top underneath even though I was burning up. They really crank the heat in there. The back tie was broken, so my butt was just out for show. Danny was uncomfortably sitting in a chair holding a million things. The nurse came back in and strapped me down to a monitor without narrating anything or telling me what was going on. I was so anxious for my midwife, Shaina to get there. I hadn't printed out my birth plan yet, because we had just finally gotten new cartridges. I figured Shaina knew everything I wanted and didn't want anyway. But I started to fear that I needed it for this crazy nurse. She told me she was going to check to see how dilated I was and I shot Danny a look of fright. I told her I didn't want to be checked yet, because I needed to have as few exams as possible. I let her swab me to check for amniotic fluid to make sure my water had broken. I had no doubt in my mind that my water had broken because it gushed out and then had continued to heavily leak for hours. But I appeased her and she took a test with a pH strip. It didn't turn blue like it was supposed to, so the fluid was going to have to be checked under a microscope.

Then Shaina arrived, thank God. She kind of treated the nurse a little funny, so it wasn't just me that was frustrated with her. They checked the fluid under a microscope and it still didn't show up as amniotic fluid, but that didn't mean it wasn't..(so why check? I had to be there anyway...) I knew my water had broken, so I wasn't really concerned with that. I was just waiting for my painful contractions to kick in. They weren't being picked up by the monitor yet, so they weren't very strong at all. Shaina checked my cervix and I was much more comfortable with letting her do so. Not physically comfortable, as getting your cervix fondled does not feel great. I was 2 cm. She asked me if I had a birth plan, and I said I didn't print it, but she pretty much knew it anyway. At the most basic level it was "as little medical intervention as possible". She then said "okay I'm only going to say this once and then never bring it up again...because you are in the hospital, you have the option of pain medicine. Okay, that's out of the way." then we were on our way to a delivery room.

I got admitted into a room and we could finally get comfortable. The room was quite large. We set our bags down and I had to get on the bed and get my first round of antibiotics for the Strep B. Our first nurse was nicknamed "Princess" because she only worked 4 hour shifts. She couldn't find a really good vein, so I had to get the port in my wrist. She was very nice, but left at 11pm. My next nurse's name was Chrissy and she was with me for the rest of the night.

I had to be intermittently monitored once an hour for 20 minutes at a time. That involved being contained on the bed, one strap listening to the baby, and one strap monitoring my contractions. They had gotten strong enough to be picked up now. Hooray! Progress! I was no longer scared of having to be induced. My body was doing its job just fine! I was not a fan of the monitoring from the beginning. I lied on my side instead of my back in order to feel more comfortable and to not slow anything down. Ruby kept moving away from the monitor, so the 20 minutes had to start over again a few times. I was getting more and more uncomfortable having to lie there. Finally, the monitoring was done for that hour and I could get up. Hallelujah! I walked around and sat on the birthing ball and rotated my hips around on it. I did some pelvic tilts on my hands and knees. Before I knew it, Chrissy was back again to monitor me. Back to the table I went. Yuck. :(

In between, I continued to squat, stretch, breathe deeply, and try to relax between contractions. The pain was getting so bad that my legs would shake out of my control. I tried to focus my breath to relax, but it wasn't working. I was overwhelmed with the desire to empty my intestines. I made several trips to the bathroom inside our room. Each contraction emptied me out more and more until I really was out of material. I was in real, serious pain by now. I had to lean on Danny through some of them and would squat up and down. I leaned on the bathroom sink so I was in a table position and moaned and breathed my way through the contraction.

Chrissy came back in to monitor me again, and she could tell I just couldn't lie still anymore, so she followed me around with the monitor as I got on my hands and knees on the table, and whatever else made me feel a little bit more comfortable or deal with the pain. We turned my iPod on shuffle, since all the songs I had put on it were soothing or at least not disturbing.

I did a lot of different positions inspired from yoga poses that helped open up my hips and stretch them and my back. I was constantly moving from one to another because it was the only way for me to handle it. Danny was right there with me, literally supporting my weight some times and also massaging my back and shoulder and hips and legs. The poor guy was so tired and he was getting a workout of his own. He was a wonderful coach.

I eventually lost the hospital gown and just wore my tank top. Danny was surprised how immodest i was around the nurse and midwife, but i just didnt care. I needed freedom and relief from heat. I also drank a crazy amount of water during the labor. That was mostly because my throat was getting so dry from all the vocal breathing and eventually screaming. I also needed it because it truly is an athletic event. I wonder how much I had. It would have been interesting to keep track. (obviously that was the last thing on my mind at the time.)

I was very thankful for the birthing ball. I sat on it during contractions and did pelvic circles and stretched forward and leaned on the table and backward and leaned/flailed on Danny.

Shaina stayed in the room for the rest of the time and she was very helpful in coaching as well. She helped me visualize that each cleansing breath was not only helping the pain and helping me relax, but was actually bringing the baby down. This was very helpful for me. As long as I was progressing, I felt like I could do this.

Danny eventually asked to take a 10 minute nap on the couch that turned into a bed. We told him he could sleep for longer. He woke up to his alarm in 10 minutes and then decided to Go back to sleep for 10 or 20 more. I felt so badly that he was running on no sleep. Shaina massaged my lower back and helped me while Danny was sleeping, and then he was back in the game. Both of them helped a lot and since I was moving around all over the place, one of them was always near me. I left the heavy lifting for Danny. Literally- he had to hold me up at some points.

The pain continued to increase. I didn't think it was possible to have more pain. It was. I started getting more animalistic with my breathing, and mentally, I started feeling like I wanted to give up. From all our reading, what I was feeling sounded like "transition", but I was afraid I was just a wimp and I wasn't there yet. Shaina wanted to check to see how dilated I was and I didn't really want to know. Because, if I was only like 5 or 6 cm, I just didn't think I could get through more. I was exhausted and in so much pain. Danny and shaina finally talked me into getting checked. 8cm! Hallelujah! I wasn't a wimp! I said "I can't do this" one or 2 times and they got excited, because that means the worst is almost over. In my head, I was thinking I should just get a c-section! But I don't want one! But I'm so done! I can never have another kid. It's just too painful. I wanted 4, but now I will just have 1, because I can't do this again.

The contractions were so intense and wore me out so much that I actually fell asleep between a couple. I didn't realize it until I woke up with another. Danny had to go to the bathroom, so he asked me if it was ok if he left the room for a second. He used the one down the hall instead of in our room, and when he returned, the scenery had changed.

I jolted awake from an in between contraction nap where I was sitting on the ball, but passed out leaning on the bed with my arms splayed in all directions. I was overwhelmed with the urge to push, so I exclaimed just that. "oh my gosh, I have to push!!!" they wheeled in a table with surgical tools and a bin and another nurse or two came in. It was almost 7am (which I didn't know), so a shift change was about to happen, but my nurse stayed anyway. I was in a different kind of pain than before. Shaina said most 1st time moms push for an hour or more. "WHAT?" I shouted. I couldn't do this for another hour! I thought I was almost done! That little fact made me so determined to get the baby OUT! With every urge, I pushed and then I would run out of steam, but still had to keep pushing. Shaina was massaging my perineum with oil, which was kind of distracting, because it didn't feel good, but it was necessary I guess.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of grabbing onto the top of the bed for dear life while I was in child's pose, pushing, they said she was getting closer and closer and asked me what position I wanted to deliver the baby in. I switched to my hands and knees, but the IV in my wrist made it uncomfortable to bend my wrist back. So then I got on my side and they told me I would have to grab my leg and pull it up as I was delivering. I stayed for one push, but wasn't a fan, so I squatted. That was the most comfortable for me. Each push felt like the last that I would be able to handle. It really hurt, and I felt like I wasn't making progress, but they told me I was. I said that I was hurting my voice from the screaming through the pushing and they laughed because that's the last thing I should be worrying about I suppose. I was really screaming. Seriously, the pain is unlike anything else.

They soon told me that they could see the head. Oh my gosh! I asked if they could just pull her out now. Unfortunately, they wouldn't pull her out until I pushed out the head and shoulders. Okay, I could do this...right? I was making progress and that's what mattered to me. Just a little bit longer and I'd get to hold my baby and I'd be done with this pain. My background as an athlete was helpful. I wanted to win this baby delivering thing. And so, I pushed. I pushed longer than I thought I could and as soon as her head was out, I got a rush. They asked me if I wanted to feel her head. No! Not until she's out. I only want to feel her when I'm done with this. One more crazy push later, and out came her shoulders and they delivered her. I only pushed for 15 minutes!

I cannot fully explain the feeling of knowing my baby was born. I was so excited! I immediately got to hold her and all the pain and exhaustion melted away. Oxytocin is called the love hormone for a reason. It overwhelms your body when you don't have pitocin and an epidural in the way to distract it. I was so high on it. I had waited 10 months to hold this little one and I finally got to! It was amazing. Danny quick grabbed the phone to document my happiness and our daughter's first look at the world. Now, I knew I could do this again, contrary to my earlier feelings during the pain. It was worth it. I could do it 3 more times. :)

They asked Danny if he wanted to cut the cord. He did not. Then they asked me. I did not. I had to deliver the placenta and she pressed on my uterus (barf) and said, "nope, it's not ready yet.". I was able to breast feed right away and she instantly latched. Yeah girl! After she was done, I watched from my bed as they took her to be weighed and measured and checked. They made her foot prints. So cute! Danny was right next to her while all this was going on. I couldn't believe it. We had a family. It was so surreal.

Now my placenta was ready to be delivered. It doesn't hurt. It is uncomfortable because they press on your uterus, which is nauseating, but nothing even close to delivering the baby. I was very interested to look at it. Some people keep it and plant trees and some people make soup or vitamins out of it. Yeah, no thanks, I was content to just look. She explained to me the different parts of it. It really was very interesting. Danny did not care for it. I was surprised how big it was! It housed her, so it has to be at least her size. Pretty cool.

The nurses wrote the measurement details, etc on a little white board on the wall. She was born at 7:11am (it was 7:11 already??) and she weighed 7 pounds, 11.6 ounces and she was 20 inches long. I was glad that she was a good, healthy size, but not huge like both Danny and I were.

Danny got to hold her when they were finished measuring her. He was kind of scared to at first. He had told me somewhere on the way to the hospital that he had never actually held a young baby before. I encouraged him that he would be great. He didn't feel the connection until that moment. It was so precious to me to see him holding her.

It was so thrilling to just stare at her. I was instantly in love. I had to get 2 stitches for a very small tear on the side. My perineum did not tear at all- hooray! I'm a wimp when it comes to stitches, but it was over with very quickly and at least I was holding my precious baby.

Shaina told me i was able to have either Ibuprofen or Purcocet, and that she recommend Ibuprofen. Yeah, that was fine. I did not want a narcotic. The pain wasn't that bad.

Chrissy and Shaina could finally leave so we thanked them and we were left in the care of another nurse. She was lovely. I got some orange juice, some ibuprofen, some more water, and some breakfast, and I could finally just relax.

I didn't sleep the whole next day. I was too obsessed with staring at Ruby, and we had a lot of visitors. They were all so excited to meet and hold her.

So all in all, it was an amazing experience. It was very positive and memorable. I can't imagine not having a natural delivery. I hope my story can be an inspiration to other women who want to have a natural pregnancy and birth. It can be done! Our bodies were designed to do it!

If you'd like more information, or have any questions, please comment or send me a message and I'd be happy to answer or talk with you. Thank you for reading!

~39 weeks, 5 days~

<3

Evening primrose & raspberry leaf

I'm getting annoyed with these Braxton Hicks. Just get to the real thing already, ya know?

I feel like I should make some casseroles for easy meals I can just heat up when the baby is here. Casseroles and soups. Yeah?

My hot flashes are out of control and very constant.

I'm not looking forward to what my stomach will look like after this while birth thing. I don't know how soon it will look normal again. I fear the sagginess or whatever may come. I know breast feeding helps you lose weight, but does that include extra skin? I really don't even know how that goes.

My bassinet mattress that I ordered on October 22nd has been delayed 3 or 4 times and still isnt here. I really hope it ships in the next couple days.

I still have to get my new license with Laura Jauregui on it before I go to the hospital. My health insurance company sent me my new card with my new name, so that's good and exciting.

The nursery is almost finished! I have a couple small things to do like hang shelves and curtains and paint the drawers, but other than that, it's pretty much done.

I went to the midwife today and she told me I could take Evening Primrose oil to help speed along the process. I bought some at Whole Foods today. I can't believe I hadn't found that anywhere. Silly me. I asked her how big she thought the baby was and by a hand measurement, she said about 6 pounds. So not too big yet, and I hope I deliver early so that I don't have to deliver a baby much bigger than that. I'm 173 pounds! So crazy how big my belly is. I look like a Dr. Seuss character.

Let's hope all the walking around I do all the time at work, along with the herbs and oil help me go into labor soon!

13 days left!

Danny and I are super oldies and are already in bed on Friday night. He's been asleep for about an hour. Haha I actually really like going to bed this early. Especially since I don't sleep for much more than 3 hours at a time before I'm awakened by hunger or the urge to pee. I'm sure it's just preparation for a baby waking us up every few hours.

We have Bradley class in the morning. I wonder if it will be our last one. If she comes a little early, it will be! Thanksgiving baby? Yes please

~38 weeks, 1 day~

15 days left

I'm so tired! I've been going to bed early and getting 8-10 hours of sleep, but I'm still wiped. My body is getting more and more uncomfortable. I feel like her head is just heavily sitting on my pubis. I feel twinges of pain, or as my chiropractor told me to say, "discomfort". I had an appointment today and she encouraged me to look up hypno birthing words and positive affirmations. I really like her. She said my hips have opened up in the back sciatic area and my pubis is opening kinda lopsided right now, which makes sense of why I have crazy pain on just one side. I'm going to visit her a few more times before delivery, and apparently, it really helps to go while in labor on the way to the hospital to make sure everything is lined up properly. Makes sense.

I have the day off tomorrow and I'm going to sleep in, take a bath, watch a movie with Danny when he comes home from work at 10am and probably take a nap with him. I'm also going to make cupcakes, finish painting Ruby's dresser, go to target and get a curtain rod and maybe go to the MVA and get a new license with my married name on it. In order to do that, I'm going to have to put on makeup, so who knows. I really should have my name right on the license I bring to the hospital, and I'm kinda running out of time. My face is only a little swollen. Not ideal for a picture I'll carry around for 5 years, but it could be much worse. I also need to call my insurance company and get them to send me new cards with my new name. And I'm going to try to finish packing my hospital bag tomorrow. Woohoo!

My boss told me I could leave 2 hours early today because I think she could tell I was really uncomfortable and tired. I ended up only leaving a half an hour early, because we need the money and I wanted to finish the task I was doing. I had to do a bunch of stuff in the back with new holiday product, so I took every opportunity to sit in butterfly, squat, and stretch as much as possible. Ive also been taking small naps in my car on my lunch breaks. It's pretty necessary to get me through the 8 hours. What an old woman i am! I finally put in my request off sheet the other day. I put my last day as my due date, but I think my team leader will be flexible if I need to leave before that. Especially if she comes early! (fingers crossed)

I have a midwife appointment on Friday morning. I'm going to ask her a lot of questions and make sure they have that I'm allergic to Sulfa as well as penicillin. For some reason, I had a feeling that's not on my chart. I wonder how big Ruby was measuring, because they didn't mention anything about size at my last ultrasound. People keep saying I'm so small, but I can't tell if that's just cuz I'm tall, or if she actually is small. I wish I had an idea. I might have to get a couple last minute newborn clothes, since I mostly stick to 0-3 months thinking she would be more than 7 pounds. We shall see I suppose.

We got the car seat installed tonight! By we, I mean, I redid the straps after redoing the fabric since I had washed it, and then Danny installed it in the car. Woohoo! I'm a real mom! We have to put the 2nd one in Danny's car too, but he left it at Whole Foods and drove home with me today. He drove there to meet me in order to get cupcake ingredients and attend my chiropractic appointment with me. He was lonely without me all day, and needed to be around me. So cute. I like him.

I cant believe we'll finally meet our baby in 15 days! (maybe a little more or less)

38 weeks tomorrow!

P.S. I'm thankful for good elasticity in my skin which has helped me avoid stretch marks.

I'm also thankful for decaf hemp milk lattes. :)

GBS??

Ok. I thought I was pretty much done with pregnancy stuff and that I was in the home stretch with nothing to worry about. Then I went to my 37 week midwife visit and heard the results from my GBS test. I'm positive! I have group B strep.

Not having expected this, I didn't really know what it meant. It means that I have to have antibiotics pumped into me during labor. I'm so disappointed. It was a shot to my pride, first of all. I thought I was having this great healthy pregnancy. Apparently this is a totally random thing and couldn't be prevented. I don't like hearing that though, I'm always like, "it must have been something. What could I have done differently to avoid this? Random? Pshh."

So, before, I was going to deny even having a port placed for a possible IV or drugs, because I didn't want anything, and if I really really needed something, they can always take 30 seconds to place an IV. Now, that's not an option because a bacteria in my GI tract could be fatal to my baby. A bacteria that isnt a danger to me and is random and normal and blah blah. :(.

So now, it makes me have this irrationally unhealthy view of my body as this enemy zone and not a beautiful place that can healthily deliver my baby without medical intervention. It's now a negative space that needs to be addressed and is on the attack and can harm my baby. That doesn't feel good.

Antibiotics bother me in general and I don't like having to take them unless it's absolutely necessary. Apparently, this is one of those situations. If I don't take them, my baby could get really sick and even get meningitis. Ah! I'm allergic to penicillin, which is normally what they use to treat this during labor. She said I'll be on Clindamycin. Instead. I've taken that before 3-4 years ago when I went to a string of different gynocologists because I thought I had a bacterial infection because I was being obsessive about discharge. (sorry, that's kinda gross). After seeing a few different people and being prescribed Clindamycin, Cipro, and I don't remember what else, and Nothing was changing, I saw the nurse practitioner on campus. She told me I had never had anything wrong and that I was just healthy, young, and fertile. I can't remember whether I finished any of those antibiotics. I've also taken one of those for a UTI within the past year or 2. I just hope my body is not resistant to them, if I didn't finish the per scribed course or anything. I read that GBS can be resistant to Clindamycin sometimes, so that doesn't leave me satisfied.

I know I'm being overkill with all of this. It's really put a bump in my plans. I know that is ok. I just have so many questions now and I wish I wasn't freaking out a little.

If my water breaks, and I don't go into labor, I will have to be induced, because the strep can reach the baby without the protective amniotic fluid. So then it's antibiotics AND pitocin and then who knows what else...

I had this last midwife visit right before work, so when I got there, I felt like I had drunk 3 cups of coffee and was so jittery and up tight about it. I took a lavender pill to chill out and it helped me be normal again. Then, I started to research in some of the books written by midwives I trust. Nothing told me how to cure it so that I could avoid antibiotics. I found several elixirs and things to try to strengthen my immune system. But nothing will fix it.

Apparently, the bacteria can colonize, so even if I got retested and it was negative, the little buggers could show up again. So putting cloves of garlic or goldenseal pills into my vagina won't help a bacteria that's in my GI tract. I'm taking tinctures of Astragalus, Echinacea, and Burdock root and then 500mg of food based, raw Vitamin C along with my regular multi and Red Raspberry leaf. My bed side looks like an apothecary's table. But none of these things will allow me to avoid antibiotics. :(. I'm disappointed.

Prayer, please?

Thankful...

So there seems to be some sort of status thing going on on Facebook. I could be wrong, but I think the point is, for every day in November, you post something you're thankful for. So, I'm going to write as much as I can think of here...

This pregnancy has been such a blessing in disguise and it has opened my eyes even more dramatically to how much God provides for me and Danny. We have been really amazed, especially the last several months. It doesn't seem that long ago that we were freaking about everything financial and I, at least, was so stressed and down about it. God has shown me so much comfort in his word and even though not that much has changed with our income, and even though we still have a lot of debt, I am so much more at peace about it all. It's pretty powerful that he could transform my mindset and attitude so dramatically. One of my favorite passages, and I'm sure I've said this before, is Matthew 6. The whole chapter is important, and I don't want to say the first part isn't relevant to my point, because it has been a different thing that has been on our hearts, but starting at verse 19 is what has been such a comfort and conviction to me during financial strife and pregnancy scariness.

Vs 19-34
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures here on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!" (right?? Our perspective can be so off sometimes, and it creates this negative spiral, I've found)
"No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."
Danny and I were confused about this for a while. Danny especially took that and a lot of other verses to mean that we're supposed to be poor, but as we've learned more, we see that the point is to follow God. Period. Serve God. He'll provide what you need. Sometimes he calls people to be poor, and sometimes he calls people to be very rich and use their money for him. But the money isn't the point! The relationship is the point.. The willingness to follow in faith and the desire and dedication to seek His path for our lives.
"Therefore, I tell you, DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT YOUR LIFE, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow not reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, 'what shall we eat?' or 'what shall we drink?' or 'what shall we wear?'. For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But SEEK FIRST the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious about itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

So...I'm thankful for Bay Area Community Church and the pastors and people there. God had already been putting these things on our hearts, and then, BACC started a series called Faith Adventure. I think it's so funny how sometimes, a message starts and you look around like, is this a joke? This is exactly what I've been struggling with. I didn't tell anyone that. How is this happening? Oh yeah, God's pretty powerful. Im thankful for the gifts that Greg and Pat (pastors) have been given for understanding the word, and teaching really well, etc.
I'm thankful for the website so I can revisit sermons, or listen to any we've missed.
I'm thankful that Josh Shirlen (who by the way took my head shots 4 or 5 years ago when I heard about him through our friends, Winship and Lacey) spotted us at church one Sunday a few months ago and reached out and invited us to their missional community. That's Something we have been looking for for a while. God waited for the right time and right people and made it happen. I'm thankful for all the people in that group and for the prayers they have provided for us.
I'm thankful for Arianne and her resourcefulness and help in getting me a great nannying job.
I'm thankful for the Morsers and their awesomeness. I'm thankful that they are the perfect fit for nannying. I'm so blown away by how God works. Such an answer to prayers!! Thankful.

I'm thankful for the roof over my head and that I only share it with Danny.
I'm thankful that both of our parents let us live with them so that we could pay off a lot of debt.
I'm thankful that we found an apartment that we can handle financially and I like the location. I'm thankful we're only 20 minutes away from Annapolis and work, and only 20 minutes away from downtown Baltimore, where friends live, and where a lot of our favorite old spots are.

I'm thankful for 30% off of high quality groceries to appease my food snobbery. I'm thankful for access to and knowledge about the importance of eating preservative free, chemical free food. I'm thankful for the knowledge base of so many people that I work with. I'm thankful for so many things I get to try for free, like that Thanksgiving meal yesterday! I'm thankful for generous vendors who let us try amazing products.
I'm thankful for health insurance that covers so much of maternity care. I'm thankful that I'll be able to switch over to Danny's insurance and so will still be covered when I'm only part time at WFM.
I'm thankful to be a citizen of the US. I'm thankful for my right to vote for the things I believe in.
I'm thankful for a healthy pregnancy.
I'm thankful for the support from friends and family.
I'm thankful for the generosity of my parents.
I'm thankful for the crib and changing table my mom bought, plus all the baby clothes, maternity clothes, and all sorts of other things.
I'm thankful for a super comfy bed, which even though was a ridiculous purchase back in October 2011, I'm thankful we paid it off, and I'm thankful that I had a Tempurpedic during pregnancy.
I'm thankful for a gas stove, ha, is that weird? I love it!

I'm thankful that my husband is such a hard worker. I'm thankful that he never complains about the things I complain about. I'm thankful that he's so multi talented. I'm thankful that he says things like "I like hugging you because it makes me feel whole." I'm thankful that he is my very best friend and soul mate and that I found him when I wasn't even looking at such a young age. I'm thankful for his personality, attitude, and gifts. I'm thankful for all the fun we have together. I'm thankful for his desire to always be growing as a couple. I'm thankful for his leadership, love, selflessness, wisdom, humor, and friendship. I could write about Danny for days. :)
I'm thankful for my girl friends. I'm thankful for their differences and for all the things they bring to our relationships.
I'm thankful for my good car.
I'm thankful for Pandora- free music, heyyo!
I'm thankful for my iPhone.
I'm thankful to be able to have the kind of birth I want, and that insurance will cover a midwife.
I'm thankful for the rewards program at starbucks, because I am about to go get a free drink. :)

My 37 week visit with the midwife is tomorrow. I'm sure it wont be super interesting, but we'll see.

Thanks for reading, all y'all.

~37 weeks today~

Blah blah

I had my 36 week visit on Thursday. The storm throwing off my appointment was helpful, because I was going 2 days before the week mark (35 weeks and 5 days), but now I'm right on it. That was terrible English...it's 4am.

My body thinks it's 5am, due to this whole fall back situation. I was awakened by my nightly 3-5am pee trip. I am still dehydrated, even though I am unsure of how that is possible. I even started drinking a bottle or two of electrolyte enhanced water in case that was thrown off and is why I can't seem to get enough H2O. I'm working on it...

It's depressing to wake up in the middle of the night without Danny there. I am NOT a fan of these midnight-8am shifts. I actually think it's kind of ridiculous. If I close, like I did last night, I get home at 10:30 or 11 and get to cuddle for 30 min to an hour tops before he leaves. They need to give him a raise for this. If it was just a holiday thing, it wouldn't be so bad, because there would be light at the end of the tunnel. It's not. I don't like it...

So anyway- my 36 week visit... Strep B test was no where near as uncomfortable as I had imagined, so that's good. Danny was there with me at 9am, even though he had just worked a terror shift over night and was really tired. I'm glad he was with me anyway. :) we got an ultrasound whether it was necessary or not (I'm not sure what the purpose was), but she's definitely head down and face down now and she's definitely a girl! I'm glad we didn't have a last minute surprise. Her head and body parts all look good still and my level of fluid is healthy, etc. Good! The pictures they printed for us are super super dark. I'll put them in my scrap book anyway, but they're not really worth showing. Nadia, a coworker, said I was having a ghost baby because you could barely see anything. We saw her clearly on screen. :) she moved her face away when they stuck the wand right in it, and acted like that was strange. Wouldn't you move if someone shoved a machine in your face? They told me I wouldn't feel the same kind of movement since she should be cramped and the kicks won't be as dramatic. No change yet, still lots of drama. But maybe she's small. I was hoping they would tell us that from the ultrasound, but I forgot to ask, and she didn't mention anything about size.

She's awake now and punching and kicking me pretty obviously. It's probably because I'm hungry. Grapes have become my favorite mid-sleep snack, but I'm out and so I'm at a loss of what to eat instead. Dried mango is a good one too, but I don't have that either. I had WAY too much dairy yesterday and my stomach needs something healthier and watery. Grapes? I miss you...

I'm at the midwife's weekly now, so I'll be back on Friday at 37 weeks and 1 day. Thankfully, I asked her to write a note to our health insurance stating that all ultrasounds and blood tests were necessary for a healthy pregnancy and should be fully covered. Hooray! Those health insurance companies...sneaky...

I'm currently having a hot flash and my heart is beating really fast. Yay. I should really eat something. Too many discomforts at the moment.

Justine is coming over on Monday evening to help paint some fun stuff in the nursery! We finished the stripe wall, and painted another wall turquoise, but it needs something else on top. I can't wait to have it finished!

I can't believe I'm under the month mark! Baby soon! My what to expect when you're expecting countdown app tells me she's the size of a watermelon. I'd say that's about right. My belly has gotten HUGE! It's definitely lower, so hopefully she's on her way out. Let's start this dilating thing soon, so we can be pregnancy free by December.

Snack/sleep time.

~36 weeks, 3 days~

Halloween?

It's Halloween and I'm stuck closing at Whole Foods. Needless to say, it's pretty empty in here because everyone is trick or treating with their children and not shopping for food. 2 more hours till the store closes!

Today, Danny and I met with Dr. Nold at Bayside Pediatrics. We've heard good things about him, and he seems to be a good fit. I really like that he is very interested in teaching and will always tell you why he has made the diagnosis. He also likes having an open dialogue and doesn't mind being asked questions. He's open to holistic stuff and doesn't jump to antibiotics, so I'm pretty happy with him so far.

I had to reschedule my 36 week midwife visit because they closed the office on Tuesday due to Frankenstorm. I am going in tomorrow at 9am and I hope that doesn't make me late for work. Danny has to work midnight-8am, so I hope he can come with me even though he'll be terribly tired, because we are having our last ultrasound. I'm not sure why that is necessary, because she should be able to feel if the baby is breech or not without that, but I'm kind of done fighting and asking questions this time around. I might as well... Also, it'll be good to just make sure it's a girl. Otherwise, we have 4 weeks to make some changes. Ha! That would be a mini disaster I guess...

I am really craving some peanut butter filled chocolate, but the bag that looks the best is $12 and I'm not doing that...

I'm super sore and super tired even though I slept 10 or 11 hours last night and have been getting at least 8 hours every other night and taking naps when possible. I guess she's in super growth mode and it's using up a lot of energy.


~35 weeks, 6 days~