14 weeks today

Yesterday, I had strange cramp feelings. It felt almost like menstrual cramps, especially since my lower back was hurting too. That could be that I'm dehydrated, because I know I'm having trouble drinking enough water lately. The cramping wasn't super painful, more like annoying. A coworker told me that contractions feel like cramps, but everything seems to be fine for me. It's probably just my uterus growing. Maybe I need to read more about all this.

I also have had a strong desire to cut most of my hair off. I dont want to seem like a mom who gave up and is like "I don't have time for hair". I hope it will still be cute. It's just that my hair is so damaged from perm, bleach, and dying several times. Then I also have this frock of bangs that's growing out and looks terrible and shapeless. I don't know if they're long enough to be blended into my hair yet, but a short cut would make it more fluid...perhaps. I need to go to someone who can make me feel at ease about it and will say, yes, this is exactly what we're going to do. Blah blah.

I feel like the time between doctor visits is so long. 2 more weeks until my next visit and I'm not scheduled for an ultra sound then either. I just want to see it's little face!! And I want to know whether it's a boy or girl. I think both of those will help me feel more connected to it as a person rather than just a little mini thing growing inside me. It's not big enough to feel my hand when I rub my tummy, unless it's hanging out right up against the side for some reason. I has reflexes, so if I poked it somehow, it would react. But it's still only the size of a lemon, so it would probably be difficult to find. Especially since it seems to be very quick. Zoom! It goes across my uterus.

It's time to go to work and hopefully not lift heavy totes.

~14 weeks~

Balance

I used to think that when I got pregnant, I would be super strict about the food I ate, the containers out of which I drank, the body care products I used, and those i avoided...but for one reason or another, I'm not. I'm not sure why. I've always been strict about the food I eat and where it comes from, but I've always had flexibility and slip ups and such. I thought I would be perfect when pregnant land started, because I didn't want to be the reason my kid had trouble in school, or had a physical disability or something. But now, that I'm actually pregnant, I find myself far less worried than I thought I'd be.

I work 40 hours a week in retail on a hard concrete floor in very uncomfortable shoes. A pedicure is a treat, and I in no way have extra money to be spending, but man, oh man, every once in a while, it's divine. I treated myself today. I kind of feel guilty about it because including tip, it's $40. But I could either buy all the stuff to do it myself, and then have to breathe in the fumes, or I could go get an amazing foot and leg massage and sit in a massage chair in a well ventilated salon where it doesn't even smell like nail polish.

This long story is meant to demonstrate that I thought I wouldn't paint my nails because supposedly it's bad to do, but, yet...im doing it! I feel that it's much worse to be so caught up and worried about all the dangers in the world that could negatively affect your baby. Stress and worry are physically damaging on your own body, and also terrible for the fetus. So which one is worse? Perhaps I should just be perfect...

My little baby is the size of a peach (mmm) this week. I'm almost into week 14, when it will be the size of a lemon! Citrusy! I've forgotten to take my DHA the past 2 days :/. And I had no trouble working a ten hour shift today, but now I'm sleepy.

~13 weeks, 5 days~

Peachie, out.

Passing into 2nd trimester wonderland

Ah, the constant queasiness is finally over. People told me 2nd trimester was much better. I wasn't getting my hopes up just in case I stayed sick the whole time, but hallelujah, I feel much better. I'm officially 12 weeks and 6 days. I'm starving about every 2 hours, I have a better attitude, and I feel much more like myself. I am so glad that I don't want to throw up at the sight of food. And I'm so glad that I'm getting back to my normal eatig habits. Enough of this croissant for breakfast and nasty quality fast food for dinner. I ate red robin and chic fil a during my first trimester. I'm so ashamed, haha. I had no idea how weird pregnancy was. My body was stronger than my mind and values because when I finally got hungry, I was craving grease and gross. I tried to limit all the fried and nastiness, and still ate the majority of my meals from whole foods, but I am not proud of some of that food list. Yikes! I still don't find chocolate bars or brownies and such appealing, but I have been drawn to some good quality hot chocolate lately, perhaps to take the place of coffee. I've been quite good with giving that up, even though my doctor said that since I have great blood pressure, I can have some if I want. The acidic factor has kind of turned me off to it. Plus, I'm sure I've done enough stupid things, so I'd rather not keep drinking something that could be damaging. I was disappointed that we didn't get an ultrasound at my last doctor's visit. :( we heard the heart beat again, for the 3rd time, so it wasn't all that exciting for me, because I want to see its face! It's grown so much since the last time I've seen it, at 7 weeks, and I really want to see the little guy, or girl Something that was kind of cool and a little bit funny was that the baby is definitely a hider. That's confirmed. 1 ultrasound and 2 dopplers, and the little thing had not failed to run away each time. It's a fast little bugger. As soon as the doctor caught up with it, to hear the heartbeat, there it went, swimming away! I think it's kind of cute. "leave me alone, guys!" **shoom!** My next OB appointment is in 3 weeks. I won't see an ultrasound then either :(. Maybe I'll beg for one so that we can see if they can tell the sex yet, because a lot of times, they're able to tell at 16 weeks. Especially if it's a boy. My next appointment after that is at 20 weeks. That's 5 months! Ah! I feel like I'm showing a lot more than other preggos at 13 weeks. I'm turning into a chubbo quickly. I thought I might not get super big, since I'm so tall. Alas, I'm in pregnancy jeans and need to invest in some longer shirts. I've been wearing tshirts every day at work. Too bad it's so cold in there, because otherwise, I'd be rocking cute dresses daily. It's bed time for this chubster. Dream time with my hubster. Ha! :) ~12 weeks, 6 days~

uh...

so, my husband, Danny, and I have been together since 2007.  we've been through a lot together- college, an economic downturn, job experiments, natural disasters, world traveling, etc.  we finally got married in September 2011- a year and a half after we were officially engaged.  (we'd known since my sophomore year of college we would be married, but it took a while).  we're thankful for all the time we've had together and maybe it's a good thing that it took almost 5 years for us to get married, because 6 months into our marriage- we got this little surprise...

yes, after weeks of wondering, and a good half an hour in the target aisle trying to decide which pregnancy test to take, we got this digital message loud and clear.  5 different times.  (oh, yes, i bought the big box).  i couldn't believe it.  what the heck?  it takes so many people a year or more to conceive.  i feel like i'm always hearing stories about the difficulties of getting pregnant.  and yet, we got pregnant on accident?  some people say, "it's never an accident, because subconsciously you must have wanted a baby."  i don't know if i agree....hmmm...  i mean, i've always wanted kids, i just thought i would be a few years older when i started popping them out.  26 seemed to be the golden age.  Danny would be 30 then, and we'd have time to have a few before anyone got too old.  but, 24 is the age i'll be when i deliver.  oh man.

so as i'm sitting in the bathroom freaking out, Danny came in smiling, not showing his fear; he was excited.  that was helpful for me.  i've definitely been the more negative one, as he's been positive, motivated and happy.  i honestly think my negative attitude comes from the fear of judgement.  i don't know why i'm worried about that, considering i usually don't care what others think about me.  but i kept thinking that everyone would say "oh my gosh, she's too young.  what an idiot.  she is so old fashioned getting married young and then pregnant right away.  she's ruining her life."  i don't agree with any of those things, so i don't know why i'm worried about random people who might say that.  yes, i'm talented, and yes, i could be successful in my career- but i don't really have an expiration date on singing.  i won't hit my peak in my operatic voice for 7-15 more years anyway.  that's a long time.

this wasn't the opportune time to get pregnant, and here's why...
#1. we are still in debt
#2. we work at Whole Foods and make $11-12 an hour, so we need both incomes.
#3. we live at Danny's parents' house (so that we could pay off debt more quickly)
#4. we both want to go back to school...

i don't worry that we've only been married for 8 months, because our relationship is very strong, and we're constantly cultivating it.  we met when i was 17 and Danny was 21, for goodness sakes.  our strength is in the Lord and each other.  A baby will be stressful, I'm sure, but we've dealt with plenty of that along the way.  there's no way we can be totally prepared for a baby...we've never had one...but as long as God is the center of our relationship, we value each other over the baby, and our home never becomes kid-centered, we'll be fine.

so we're moving out in 2 weeks, putting ourselves on a stricter budget, and praying for the best.

so far my main symptoms are extreme fatigue (i sleep all of the time), and NAUSEA!  oh my gosh, i never thought my stomach could feel this gross.  thankfully, nothing liquid is coming back up.  it just feels awful, and i hiccup a lot.  i don't like chocolate very much any more, and i suddenly enjoy olives.  maybe i should name the baby Oliver ;)  i was a vegetarian until pregnancy.  and now- even though i don't really want to be eating meat, i feel like i should listen to my body when it tells me it wants something.  i'm not sure if that's an accurate thing to follow- but so far, i've eaten way more meat than i have in a long time.  i was craving salami sandwiches like crazy the first couple weeks- salami??  this was before i had taken a test.  now i hear, you're not supposed to eat deli meat.  whoops.  it's been difficult for me to eat the normal amount of vegetables that i used to, but i'm still able to eat a good amount of fruit- only sometimes it hurts on an empty stomach.  strange happenings...


so here are the details:
-Due Date: November 29. 2012
-the Chinese gender predictor says it will be a boy ;)  haha, but we'll see
-we've heard the heartbeat and seen a 7 week ultrasound...here it is...a tiny sweet pea...>>
-my next appointment is in 4 days, and hopefully we'll have a print out of the 12 week ultrasound, which will look a lot more like a baby.








~11 weeks, 3 days till baby~