Our birth story

The day we've been waiting for finally arrived! Here's how it happened...

I was scheduled to work on Monday from 10-6 at Whole Foods. I was starting to be annoyed with being at work only because every one kept asking me why I hadn't given birth yet. I really wanted to have her, but I wasn't even due yet, so I wasn't sure why I kept getting that question over and over.

So there I was, on the floor, putting away vitamin after vitamin, getting more and more uncomfortable. I was talking to a coworker, Debbie, who told me she predicted I wouldn't have the baby till December 7th. "don't you put that voodoo on me, Debbie! Take it back!" I said. I asked her and Shaun if if was possible to take too much evening primrose oil, as I had recently upped my intake again. They weren't sure, so we all looked it up and you can't really overdose, you just might get stomach pains and loose stools from it. Either way, the recommended dose for softening the cervix by week 38/39 was 4000mg a day. Ok, I was fine. But that explained why I had been feeling nauseous the past couple days. Or was I feeling nauseous because labor was coming soon?...

My shift was coming into the last hour and Shaun was leaving for the night. Before he did, I said, "Shaun, I'm going to need you to pray that I go into labor tonight. Please. Just keep praying until you get a text from me that she's here." I then let out some sort of weird exhale moan of distress and impatience/discomfort and Debbie looked at me and said, "oh my gosh you MIGHT have her tonight! I just got chills!" I kind of laughed and probably said something like "I hope, but I doubt it."

And so it became 5:30 and I decided to go back and start my leave paperwork with the PBS office. (I had forgotten they leave at 5). But before wheeling my cart off the floor, I ran into our Vega rep, who stopped me to write off some free product for me. She borrowed my sharpie to sign off the bar code. "Cool, thanks so much!" I said as she handed me a tub of vanilla chai plant protein. In my head, I was thinking, I still have so much of this at home. I was ready to leave the floor when she asked, "Danny likes chocolate, right?" and wrote off another tub. "Wow, thank you..." I'm ready to leave again when she pulls out packets and bars and Starts writing on all of them and waiting for each signature to dry. I was getting antsy, as I had really wanted to leave and get started on paperwork and then go home on time. But here I was getting free stuff that Danny would really like, especially the chocolate coconut bars.

Then all of a sudden I felt a gush of fluid go into my pants and I exclaimed, "Oh my gosh, I think my water just broke!" she asked, "are you serious?" "yep! Um...gotta go. Thanks for all this." "wait, here's your sharpie!". I took it and tried to run off of the floor, pushing my cart at a very loud speed. I figured my pants probably look like I peed myself and I wanted to get to the bathroom. I wasn't sure what to do, and I was in disbelief since your water doesn't usually break until you've been in labor for a while. I also was fearing my water breaking because if I didn't go into labor within 24 hours, I would have to be induced due to my Strep B. ah! Great! What did I do now? Come on contractions!

So I ran-waddled into the bathroom and was followed by 5 people, Nadia & Debbie from my team, Lauren and Lani from grocery, and then my team leader, Vanessa. They all were making sure I was ok and asking me what I needed. Nadia brought me a new pair of leggings from the Threads for Thought back stock. Vanessa brought me three choices of pads and my purse. I called Danny to tell him what was happening. He was in disbelief. I also couldn't believe my water had broken on the sales floor, something we had been joking about for months.

Danny had been at his parents that afternoon where he was working on building a desk. He had worked the night before and still had not gone to sleep. He said he needed to shower., etc and I said I would meet him at home. "no! Don't drive!" said everyone. So we decided he would meet me at the store and we would drive home together to shower and take naps before labor started.

I called the midwife answering service once we got into the car as he stopped for gas, which we were out of. Once Shaina called me back, she told me she would meet us at the hospital at 10pm, and to call her if things progressed more quickly.

I felt badly that Danny hadn't slept all day, and now would possibly be up all night. I also was tired from working all day, since everything made me tired. But I had nothing on his state of exhaustion. I started getting contractions in the car, but they weren't painful. They were definitely different from the Braxton Hicks I had been having up until then. I was kind of confused. Isn't this supposed to hurt? They don't really. Do I have a really high pain tolerance or is this going to get a lot worse?

Danny was freaking out on the ride home. Maybe it was because he was so tired. He was driving like a crazy person and freaking out. I was really calm and had to tell him everything was okay and to be calm. It was cute.

So we went home, both showered, and we climbed into bed. I turned on a movie and Danny instantly fell asleep. I tried to sleep, but my contractions kept me awake. I timed them on a contraction app I had on my iPhone. The were coming anywhere from 2-5 minutes apart. Wait, why were they so close together if they aren't painful? I called my midwife again to ask if I should go into the hospital since that's what I was supposed to do when y contractions became regular. She told me she would meet me at the hospital at 10. Danny texted our parents that my water had broken and I texted a few friends and my parents too.

We gathered the last of our things, and our packed hospital bags and got in the car to go have a baby! It was surreal. And poor Danny had only napped for an hour or 2.

It was 9:08 when we left our apartment. We arrived at the hospital a bit before 9:30 and got an awesome parking spot. (Bonus of having a baby outside of normal business hours.). We walked in and turned right and headed for the elevator to the 2nd floor of the Clatanoff pavilion- labor and delivery land. We walked through the super secure double doors and told the front desk that I was in labor, and our midwife was meeting us there. I had to fill out a mini piece of yellow paper with my basic information. We then followed a nurse into a side room, our bags, lunch box, laptop, and pillows in tow.

I was a little confused as to what was happening. I thought we would get admitted to a room right away because I had to be there because of strep b. No one explained to me what was happening. The German nurse told me to put the hospital gown on. Danny asked me, "didn't you want to wear your own clothes?" I told him I did, but that I would just put that on for now. I left my tank top underneath even though I was burning up. They really crank the heat in there. The back tie was broken, so my butt was just out for show. Danny was uncomfortably sitting in a chair holding a million things. The nurse came back in and strapped me down to a monitor without narrating anything or telling me what was going on. I was so anxious for my midwife, Shaina to get there. I hadn't printed out my birth plan yet, because we had just finally gotten new cartridges. I figured Shaina knew everything I wanted and didn't want anyway. But I started to fear that I needed it for this crazy nurse. She told me she was going to check to see how dilated I was and I shot Danny a look of fright. I told her I didn't want to be checked yet, because I needed to have as few exams as possible. I let her swab me to check for amniotic fluid to make sure my water had broken. I had no doubt in my mind that my water had broken because it gushed out and then had continued to heavily leak for hours. But I appeased her and she took a test with a pH strip. It didn't turn blue like it was supposed to, so the fluid was going to have to be checked under a microscope.

Then Shaina arrived, thank God. She kind of treated the nurse a little funny, so it wasn't just me that was frustrated with her. They checked the fluid under a microscope and it still didn't show up as amniotic fluid, but that didn't mean it wasn't..(so why check? I had to be there anyway...) I knew my water had broken, so I wasn't really concerned with that. I was just waiting for my painful contractions to kick in. They weren't being picked up by the monitor yet, so they weren't very strong at all. Shaina checked my cervix and I was much more comfortable with letting her do so. Not physically comfortable, as getting your cervix fondled does not feel great. I was 2 cm. She asked me if I had a birth plan, and I said I didn't print it, but she pretty much knew it anyway. At the most basic level it was "as little medical intervention as possible". She then said "okay I'm only going to say this once and then never bring it up again...because you are in the hospital, you have the option of pain medicine. Okay, that's out of the way." then we were on our way to a delivery room.

I got admitted into a room and we could finally get comfortable. The room was quite large. We set our bags down and I had to get on the bed and get my first round of antibiotics for the Strep B. Our first nurse was nicknamed "Princess" because she only worked 4 hour shifts. She couldn't find a really good vein, so I had to get the port in my wrist. She was very nice, but left at 11pm. My next nurse's name was Chrissy and she was with me for the rest of the night.

I had to be intermittently monitored once an hour for 20 minutes at a time. That involved being contained on the bed, one strap listening to the baby, and one strap monitoring my contractions. They had gotten strong enough to be picked up now. Hooray! Progress! I was no longer scared of having to be induced. My body was doing its job just fine! I was not a fan of the monitoring from the beginning. I lied on my side instead of my back in order to feel more comfortable and to not slow anything down. Ruby kept moving away from the monitor, so the 20 minutes had to start over again a few times. I was getting more and more uncomfortable having to lie there. Finally, the monitoring was done for that hour and I could get up. Hallelujah! I walked around and sat on the birthing ball and rotated my hips around on it. I did some pelvic tilts on my hands and knees. Before I knew it, Chrissy was back again to monitor me. Back to the table I went. Yuck. :(

In between, I continued to squat, stretch, breathe deeply, and try to relax between contractions. The pain was getting so bad that my legs would shake out of my control. I tried to focus my breath to relax, but it wasn't working. I was overwhelmed with the desire to empty my intestines. I made several trips to the bathroom inside our room. Each contraction emptied me out more and more until I really was out of material. I was in real, serious pain by now. I had to lean on Danny through some of them and would squat up and down. I leaned on the bathroom sink so I was in a table position and moaned and breathed my way through the contraction.

Chrissy came back in to monitor me again, and she could tell I just couldn't lie still anymore, so she followed me around with the monitor as I got on my hands and knees on the table, and whatever else made me feel a little bit more comfortable or deal with the pain. We turned my iPod on shuffle, since all the songs I had put on it were soothing or at least not disturbing.

I did a lot of different positions inspired from yoga poses that helped open up my hips and stretch them and my back. I was constantly moving from one to another because it was the only way for me to handle it. Danny was right there with me, literally supporting my weight some times and also massaging my back and shoulder and hips and legs. The poor guy was so tired and he was getting a workout of his own. He was a wonderful coach.

I eventually lost the hospital gown and just wore my tank top. Danny was surprised how immodest i was around the nurse and midwife, but i just didnt care. I needed freedom and relief from heat. I also drank a crazy amount of water during the labor. That was mostly because my throat was getting so dry from all the vocal breathing and eventually screaming. I also needed it because it truly is an athletic event. I wonder how much I had. It would have been interesting to keep track. (obviously that was the last thing on my mind at the time.)

I was very thankful for the birthing ball. I sat on it during contractions and did pelvic circles and stretched forward and leaned on the table and backward and leaned/flailed on Danny.

Shaina stayed in the room for the rest of the time and she was very helpful in coaching as well. She helped me visualize that each cleansing breath was not only helping the pain and helping me relax, but was actually bringing the baby down. This was very helpful for me. As long as I was progressing, I felt like I could do this.

Danny eventually asked to take a 10 minute nap on the couch that turned into a bed. We told him he could sleep for longer. He woke up to his alarm in 10 minutes and then decided to Go back to sleep for 10 or 20 more. I felt so badly that he was running on no sleep. Shaina massaged my lower back and helped me while Danny was sleeping, and then he was back in the game. Both of them helped a lot and since I was moving around all over the place, one of them was always near me. I left the heavy lifting for Danny. Literally- he had to hold me up at some points.

The pain continued to increase. I didn't think it was possible to have more pain. It was. I started getting more animalistic with my breathing, and mentally, I started feeling like I wanted to give up. From all our reading, what I was feeling sounded like "transition", but I was afraid I was just a wimp and I wasn't there yet. Shaina wanted to check to see how dilated I was and I didn't really want to know. Because, if I was only like 5 or 6 cm, I just didn't think I could get through more. I was exhausted and in so much pain. Danny and shaina finally talked me into getting checked. 8cm! Hallelujah! I wasn't a wimp! I said "I can't do this" one or 2 times and they got excited, because that means the worst is almost over. In my head, I was thinking I should just get a c-section! But I don't want one! But I'm so done! I can never have another kid. It's just too painful. I wanted 4, but now I will just have 1, because I can't do this again.

The contractions were so intense and wore me out so much that I actually fell asleep between a couple. I didn't realize it until I woke up with another. Danny had to go to the bathroom, so he asked me if it was ok if he left the room for a second. He used the one down the hall instead of in our room, and when he returned, the scenery had changed.

I jolted awake from an in between contraction nap where I was sitting on the ball, but passed out leaning on the bed with my arms splayed in all directions. I was overwhelmed with the urge to push, so I exclaimed just that. "oh my gosh, I have to push!!!" they wheeled in a table with surgical tools and a bin and another nurse or two came in. It was almost 7am (which I didn't know), so a shift change was about to happen, but my nurse stayed anyway. I was in a different kind of pain than before. Shaina said most 1st time moms push for an hour or more. "WHAT?" I shouted. I couldn't do this for another hour! I thought I was almost done! That little fact made me so determined to get the baby OUT! With every urge, I pushed and then I would run out of steam, but still had to keep pushing. Shaina was massaging my perineum with oil, which was kind of distracting, because it didn't feel good, but it was necessary I guess.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of grabbing onto the top of the bed for dear life while I was in child's pose, pushing, they said she was getting closer and closer and asked me what position I wanted to deliver the baby in. I switched to my hands and knees, but the IV in my wrist made it uncomfortable to bend my wrist back. So then I got on my side and they told me I would have to grab my leg and pull it up as I was delivering. I stayed for one push, but wasn't a fan, so I squatted. That was the most comfortable for me. Each push felt like the last that I would be able to handle. It really hurt, and I felt like I wasn't making progress, but they told me I was. I said that I was hurting my voice from the screaming through the pushing and they laughed because that's the last thing I should be worrying about I suppose. I was really screaming. Seriously, the pain is unlike anything else.

They soon told me that they could see the head. Oh my gosh! I asked if they could just pull her out now. Unfortunately, they wouldn't pull her out until I pushed out the head and shoulders. Okay, I could do this...right? I was making progress and that's what mattered to me. Just a little bit longer and I'd get to hold my baby and I'd be done with this pain. My background as an athlete was helpful. I wanted to win this baby delivering thing. And so, I pushed. I pushed longer than I thought I could and as soon as her head was out, I got a rush. They asked me if I wanted to feel her head. No! Not until she's out. I only want to feel her when I'm done with this. One more crazy push later, and out came her shoulders and they delivered her. I only pushed for 15 minutes!

I cannot fully explain the feeling of knowing my baby was born. I was so excited! I immediately got to hold her and all the pain and exhaustion melted away. Oxytocin is called the love hormone for a reason. It overwhelms your body when you don't have pitocin and an epidural in the way to distract it. I was so high on it. I had waited 10 months to hold this little one and I finally got to! It was amazing. Danny quick grabbed the phone to document my happiness and our daughter's first look at the world. Now, I knew I could do this again, contrary to my earlier feelings during the pain. It was worth it. I could do it 3 more times. :)

They asked Danny if he wanted to cut the cord. He did not. Then they asked me. I did not. I had to deliver the placenta and she pressed on my uterus (barf) and said, "nope, it's not ready yet.". I was able to breast feed right away and she instantly latched. Yeah girl! After she was done, I watched from my bed as they took her to be weighed and measured and checked. They made her foot prints. So cute! Danny was right next to her while all this was going on. I couldn't believe it. We had a family. It was so surreal.

Now my placenta was ready to be delivered. It doesn't hurt. It is uncomfortable because they press on your uterus, which is nauseating, but nothing even close to delivering the baby. I was very interested to look at it. Some people keep it and plant trees and some people make soup or vitamins out of it. Yeah, no thanks, I was content to just look. She explained to me the different parts of it. It really was very interesting. Danny did not care for it. I was surprised how big it was! It housed her, so it has to be at least her size. Pretty cool.

The nurses wrote the measurement details, etc on a little white board on the wall. She was born at 7:11am (it was 7:11 already??) and she weighed 7 pounds, 11.6 ounces and she was 20 inches long. I was glad that she was a good, healthy size, but not huge like both Danny and I were.

Danny got to hold her when they were finished measuring her. He was kind of scared to at first. He had told me somewhere on the way to the hospital that he had never actually held a young baby before. I encouraged him that he would be great. He didn't feel the connection until that moment. It was so precious to me to see him holding her.

It was so thrilling to just stare at her. I was instantly in love. I had to get 2 stitches for a very small tear on the side. My perineum did not tear at all- hooray! I'm a wimp when it comes to stitches, but it was over with very quickly and at least I was holding my precious baby.

Shaina told me i was able to have either Ibuprofen or Purcocet, and that she recommend Ibuprofen. Yeah, that was fine. I did not want a narcotic. The pain wasn't that bad.

Chrissy and Shaina could finally leave so we thanked them and we were left in the care of another nurse. She was lovely. I got some orange juice, some ibuprofen, some more water, and some breakfast, and I could finally just relax.

I didn't sleep the whole next day. I was too obsessed with staring at Ruby, and we had a lot of visitors. They were all so excited to meet and hold her.

So all in all, it was an amazing experience. It was very positive and memorable. I can't imagine not having a natural delivery. I hope my story can be an inspiration to other women who want to have a natural pregnancy and birth. It can be done! Our bodies were designed to do it!

If you'd like more information, or have any questions, please comment or send me a message and I'd be happy to answer or talk with you. Thank you for reading!

~39 weeks, 5 days~

<3

Evening primrose & raspberry leaf

I'm getting annoyed with these Braxton Hicks. Just get to the real thing already, ya know?

I feel like I should make some casseroles for easy meals I can just heat up when the baby is here. Casseroles and soups. Yeah?

My hot flashes are out of control and very constant.

I'm not looking forward to what my stomach will look like after this while birth thing. I don't know how soon it will look normal again. I fear the sagginess or whatever may come. I know breast feeding helps you lose weight, but does that include extra skin? I really don't even know how that goes.

My bassinet mattress that I ordered on October 22nd has been delayed 3 or 4 times and still isnt here. I really hope it ships in the next couple days.

I still have to get my new license with Laura Jauregui on it before I go to the hospital. My health insurance company sent me my new card with my new name, so that's good and exciting.

The nursery is almost finished! I have a couple small things to do like hang shelves and curtains and paint the drawers, but other than that, it's pretty much done.

I went to the midwife today and she told me I could take Evening Primrose oil to help speed along the process. I bought some at Whole Foods today. I can't believe I hadn't found that anywhere. Silly me. I asked her how big she thought the baby was and by a hand measurement, she said about 6 pounds. So not too big yet, and I hope I deliver early so that I don't have to deliver a baby much bigger than that. I'm 173 pounds! So crazy how big my belly is. I look like a Dr. Seuss character.

Let's hope all the walking around I do all the time at work, along with the herbs and oil help me go into labor soon!

13 days left!

Danny and I are super oldies and are already in bed on Friday night. He's been asleep for about an hour. Haha I actually really like going to bed this early. Especially since I don't sleep for much more than 3 hours at a time before I'm awakened by hunger or the urge to pee. I'm sure it's just preparation for a baby waking us up every few hours.

We have Bradley class in the morning. I wonder if it will be our last one. If she comes a little early, it will be! Thanksgiving baby? Yes please

~38 weeks, 1 day~

15 days left

I'm so tired! I've been going to bed early and getting 8-10 hours of sleep, but I'm still wiped. My body is getting more and more uncomfortable. I feel like her head is just heavily sitting on my pubis. I feel twinges of pain, or as my chiropractor told me to say, "discomfort". I had an appointment today and she encouraged me to look up hypno birthing words and positive affirmations. I really like her. She said my hips have opened up in the back sciatic area and my pubis is opening kinda lopsided right now, which makes sense of why I have crazy pain on just one side. I'm going to visit her a few more times before delivery, and apparently, it really helps to go while in labor on the way to the hospital to make sure everything is lined up properly. Makes sense.

I have the day off tomorrow and I'm going to sleep in, take a bath, watch a movie with Danny when he comes home from work at 10am and probably take a nap with him. I'm also going to make cupcakes, finish painting Ruby's dresser, go to target and get a curtain rod and maybe go to the MVA and get a new license with my married name on it. In order to do that, I'm going to have to put on makeup, so who knows. I really should have my name right on the license I bring to the hospital, and I'm kinda running out of time. My face is only a little swollen. Not ideal for a picture I'll carry around for 5 years, but it could be much worse. I also need to call my insurance company and get them to send me new cards with my new name. And I'm going to try to finish packing my hospital bag tomorrow. Woohoo!

My boss told me I could leave 2 hours early today because I think she could tell I was really uncomfortable and tired. I ended up only leaving a half an hour early, because we need the money and I wanted to finish the task I was doing. I had to do a bunch of stuff in the back with new holiday product, so I took every opportunity to sit in butterfly, squat, and stretch as much as possible. Ive also been taking small naps in my car on my lunch breaks. It's pretty necessary to get me through the 8 hours. What an old woman i am! I finally put in my request off sheet the other day. I put my last day as my due date, but I think my team leader will be flexible if I need to leave before that. Especially if she comes early! (fingers crossed)

I have a midwife appointment on Friday morning. I'm going to ask her a lot of questions and make sure they have that I'm allergic to Sulfa as well as penicillin. For some reason, I had a feeling that's not on my chart. I wonder how big Ruby was measuring, because they didn't mention anything about size at my last ultrasound. People keep saying I'm so small, but I can't tell if that's just cuz I'm tall, or if she actually is small. I wish I had an idea. I might have to get a couple last minute newborn clothes, since I mostly stick to 0-3 months thinking she would be more than 7 pounds. We shall see I suppose.

We got the car seat installed tonight! By we, I mean, I redid the straps after redoing the fabric since I had washed it, and then Danny installed it in the car. Woohoo! I'm a real mom! We have to put the 2nd one in Danny's car too, but he left it at Whole Foods and drove home with me today. He drove there to meet me in order to get cupcake ingredients and attend my chiropractic appointment with me. He was lonely without me all day, and needed to be around me. So cute. I like him.

I cant believe we'll finally meet our baby in 15 days! (maybe a little more or less)

38 weeks tomorrow!

P.S. I'm thankful for good elasticity in my skin which has helped me avoid stretch marks.

I'm also thankful for decaf hemp milk lattes. :)

GBS??

Ok. I thought I was pretty much done with pregnancy stuff and that I was in the home stretch with nothing to worry about. Then I went to my 37 week midwife visit and heard the results from my GBS test. I'm positive! I have group B strep.

Not having expected this, I didn't really know what it meant. It means that I have to have antibiotics pumped into me during labor. I'm so disappointed. It was a shot to my pride, first of all. I thought I was having this great healthy pregnancy. Apparently this is a totally random thing and couldn't be prevented. I don't like hearing that though, I'm always like, "it must have been something. What could I have done differently to avoid this? Random? Pshh."

So, before, I was going to deny even having a port placed for a possible IV or drugs, because I didn't want anything, and if I really really needed something, they can always take 30 seconds to place an IV. Now, that's not an option because a bacteria in my GI tract could be fatal to my baby. A bacteria that isnt a danger to me and is random and normal and blah blah. :(.

So now, it makes me have this irrationally unhealthy view of my body as this enemy zone and not a beautiful place that can healthily deliver my baby without medical intervention. It's now a negative space that needs to be addressed and is on the attack and can harm my baby. That doesn't feel good.

Antibiotics bother me in general and I don't like having to take them unless it's absolutely necessary. Apparently, this is one of those situations. If I don't take them, my baby could get really sick and even get meningitis. Ah! I'm allergic to penicillin, which is normally what they use to treat this during labor. She said I'll be on Clindamycin. Instead. I've taken that before 3-4 years ago when I went to a string of different gynocologists because I thought I had a bacterial infection because I was being obsessive about discharge. (sorry, that's kinda gross). After seeing a few different people and being prescribed Clindamycin, Cipro, and I don't remember what else, and Nothing was changing, I saw the nurse practitioner on campus. She told me I had never had anything wrong and that I was just healthy, young, and fertile. I can't remember whether I finished any of those antibiotics. I've also taken one of those for a UTI within the past year or 2. I just hope my body is not resistant to them, if I didn't finish the per scribed course or anything. I read that GBS can be resistant to Clindamycin sometimes, so that doesn't leave me satisfied.

I know I'm being overkill with all of this. It's really put a bump in my plans. I know that is ok. I just have so many questions now and I wish I wasn't freaking out a little.

If my water breaks, and I don't go into labor, I will have to be induced, because the strep can reach the baby without the protective amniotic fluid. So then it's antibiotics AND pitocin and then who knows what else...

I had this last midwife visit right before work, so when I got there, I felt like I had drunk 3 cups of coffee and was so jittery and up tight about it. I took a lavender pill to chill out and it helped me be normal again. Then, I started to research in some of the books written by midwives I trust. Nothing told me how to cure it so that I could avoid antibiotics. I found several elixirs and things to try to strengthen my immune system. But nothing will fix it.

Apparently, the bacteria can colonize, so even if I got retested and it was negative, the little buggers could show up again. So putting cloves of garlic or goldenseal pills into my vagina won't help a bacteria that's in my GI tract. I'm taking tinctures of Astragalus, Echinacea, and Burdock root and then 500mg of food based, raw Vitamin C along with my regular multi and Red Raspberry leaf. My bed side looks like an apothecary's table. But none of these things will allow me to avoid antibiotics. :(. I'm disappointed.

Prayer, please?

Thankful...

So there seems to be some sort of status thing going on on Facebook. I could be wrong, but I think the point is, for every day in November, you post something you're thankful for. So, I'm going to write as much as I can think of here...

This pregnancy has been such a blessing in disguise and it has opened my eyes even more dramatically to how much God provides for me and Danny. We have been really amazed, especially the last several months. It doesn't seem that long ago that we were freaking about everything financial and I, at least, was so stressed and down about it. God has shown me so much comfort in his word and even though not that much has changed with our income, and even though we still have a lot of debt, I am so much more at peace about it all. It's pretty powerful that he could transform my mindset and attitude so dramatically. One of my favorite passages, and I'm sure I've said this before, is Matthew 6. The whole chapter is important, and I don't want to say the first part isn't relevant to my point, because it has been a different thing that has been on our hearts, but starting at verse 19 is what has been such a comfort and conviction to me during financial strife and pregnancy scariness.

Vs 19-34
"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures here on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!" (right?? Our perspective can be so off sometimes, and it creates this negative spiral, I've found)
"No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money."
Danny and I were confused about this for a while. Danny especially took that and a lot of other verses to mean that we're supposed to be poor, but as we've learned more, we see that the point is to follow God. Period. Serve God. He'll provide what you need. Sometimes he calls people to be poor, and sometimes he calls people to be very rich and use their money for him. But the money isn't the point! The relationship is the point.. The willingness to follow in faith and the desire and dedication to seek His path for our lives.
"Therefore, I tell you, DO NOT BE ANXIOUS ABOUT YOUR LIFE, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow not reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, 'what shall we eat?' or 'what shall we drink?' or 'what shall we wear?'. For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But SEEK FIRST the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious about itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

So...I'm thankful for Bay Area Community Church and the pastors and people there. God had already been putting these things on our hearts, and then, BACC started a series called Faith Adventure. I think it's so funny how sometimes, a message starts and you look around like, is this a joke? This is exactly what I've been struggling with. I didn't tell anyone that. How is this happening? Oh yeah, God's pretty powerful. Im thankful for the gifts that Greg and Pat (pastors) have been given for understanding the word, and teaching really well, etc.
I'm thankful for the website so I can revisit sermons, or listen to any we've missed.
I'm thankful that Josh Shirlen (who by the way took my head shots 4 or 5 years ago when I heard about him through our friends, Winship and Lacey) spotted us at church one Sunday a few months ago and reached out and invited us to their missional community. That's Something we have been looking for for a while. God waited for the right time and right people and made it happen. I'm thankful for all the people in that group and for the prayers they have provided for us.
I'm thankful for Arianne and her resourcefulness and help in getting me a great nannying job.
I'm thankful for the Morsers and their awesomeness. I'm thankful that they are the perfect fit for nannying. I'm so blown away by how God works. Such an answer to prayers!! Thankful.

I'm thankful for the roof over my head and that I only share it with Danny.
I'm thankful that both of our parents let us live with them so that we could pay off a lot of debt.
I'm thankful that we found an apartment that we can handle financially and I like the location. I'm thankful we're only 20 minutes away from Annapolis and work, and only 20 minutes away from downtown Baltimore, where friends live, and where a lot of our favorite old spots are.

I'm thankful for 30% off of high quality groceries to appease my food snobbery. I'm thankful for access to and knowledge about the importance of eating preservative free, chemical free food. I'm thankful for the knowledge base of so many people that I work with. I'm thankful for so many things I get to try for free, like that Thanksgiving meal yesterday! I'm thankful for generous vendors who let us try amazing products.
I'm thankful for health insurance that covers so much of maternity care. I'm thankful that I'll be able to switch over to Danny's insurance and so will still be covered when I'm only part time at WFM.
I'm thankful to be a citizen of the US. I'm thankful for my right to vote for the things I believe in.
I'm thankful for a healthy pregnancy.
I'm thankful for the support from friends and family.
I'm thankful for the generosity of my parents.
I'm thankful for the crib and changing table my mom bought, plus all the baby clothes, maternity clothes, and all sorts of other things.
I'm thankful for a super comfy bed, which even though was a ridiculous purchase back in October 2011, I'm thankful we paid it off, and I'm thankful that I had a Tempurpedic during pregnancy.
I'm thankful for a gas stove, ha, is that weird? I love it!

I'm thankful that my husband is such a hard worker. I'm thankful that he never complains about the things I complain about. I'm thankful that he's so multi talented. I'm thankful that he says things like "I like hugging you because it makes me feel whole." I'm thankful that he is my very best friend and soul mate and that I found him when I wasn't even looking at such a young age. I'm thankful for his personality, attitude, and gifts. I'm thankful for all the fun we have together. I'm thankful for his desire to always be growing as a couple. I'm thankful for his leadership, love, selflessness, wisdom, humor, and friendship. I could write about Danny for days. :)
I'm thankful for my girl friends. I'm thankful for their differences and for all the things they bring to our relationships.
I'm thankful for my good car.
I'm thankful for Pandora- free music, heyyo!
I'm thankful for my iPhone.
I'm thankful to be able to have the kind of birth I want, and that insurance will cover a midwife.
I'm thankful for the rewards program at starbucks, because I am about to go get a free drink. :)

My 37 week visit with the midwife is tomorrow. I'm sure it wont be super interesting, but we'll see.

Thanks for reading, all y'all.

~37 weeks today~

Blah blah

I had my 36 week visit on Thursday. The storm throwing off my appointment was helpful, because I was going 2 days before the week mark (35 weeks and 5 days), but now I'm right on it. That was terrible English...it's 4am.

My body thinks it's 5am, due to this whole fall back situation. I was awakened by my nightly 3-5am pee trip. I am still dehydrated, even though I am unsure of how that is possible. I even started drinking a bottle or two of electrolyte enhanced water in case that was thrown off and is why I can't seem to get enough H2O. I'm working on it...

It's depressing to wake up in the middle of the night without Danny there. I am NOT a fan of these midnight-8am shifts. I actually think it's kind of ridiculous. If I close, like I did last night, I get home at 10:30 or 11 and get to cuddle for 30 min to an hour tops before he leaves. They need to give him a raise for this. If it was just a holiday thing, it wouldn't be so bad, because there would be light at the end of the tunnel. It's not. I don't like it...

So anyway- my 36 week visit... Strep B test was no where near as uncomfortable as I had imagined, so that's good. Danny was there with me at 9am, even though he had just worked a terror shift over night and was really tired. I'm glad he was with me anyway. :) we got an ultrasound whether it was necessary or not (I'm not sure what the purpose was), but she's definitely head down and face down now and she's definitely a girl! I'm glad we didn't have a last minute surprise. Her head and body parts all look good still and my level of fluid is healthy, etc. Good! The pictures they printed for us are super super dark. I'll put them in my scrap book anyway, but they're not really worth showing. Nadia, a coworker, said I was having a ghost baby because you could barely see anything. We saw her clearly on screen. :) she moved her face away when they stuck the wand right in it, and acted like that was strange. Wouldn't you move if someone shoved a machine in your face? They told me I wouldn't feel the same kind of movement since she should be cramped and the kicks won't be as dramatic. No change yet, still lots of drama. But maybe she's small. I was hoping they would tell us that from the ultrasound, but I forgot to ask, and she didn't mention anything about size.

She's awake now and punching and kicking me pretty obviously. It's probably because I'm hungry. Grapes have become my favorite mid-sleep snack, but I'm out and so I'm at a loss of what to eat instead. Dried mango is a good one too, but I don't have that either. I had WAY too much dairy yesterday and my stomach needs something healthier and watery. Grapes? I miss you...

I'm at the midwife's weekly now, so I'll be back on Friday at 37 weeks and 1 day. Thankfully, I asked her to write a note to our health insurance stating that all ultrasounds and blood tests were necessary for a healthy pregnancy and should be fully covered. Hooray! Those health insurance companies...sneaky...

I'm currently having a hot flash and my heart is beating really fast. Yay. I should really eat something. Too many discomforts at the moment.

Justine is coming over on Monday evening to help paint some fun stuff in the nursery! We finished the stripe wall, and painted another wall turquoise, but it needs something else on top. I can't wait to have it finished!

I can't believe I'm under the month mark! Baby soon! My what to expect when you're expecting countdown app tells me she's the size of a watermelon. I'd say that's about right. My belly has gotten HUGE! It's definitely lower, so hopefully she's on her way out. Let's start this dilating thing soon, so we can be pregnancy free by December.

Snack/sleep time.

~36 weeks, 3 days~

Halloween?

It's Halloween and I'm stuck closing at Whole Foods. Needless to say, it's pretty empty in here because everyone is trick or treating with their children and not shopping for food. 2 more hours till the store closes!

Today, Danny and I met with Dr. Nold at Bayside Pediatrics. We've heard good things about him, and he seems to be a good fit. I really like that he is very interested in teaching and will always tell you why he has made the diagnosis. He also likes having an open dialogue and doesn't mind being asked questions. He's open to holistic stuff and doesn't jump to antibiotics, so I'm pretty happy with him so far.

I had to reschedule my 36 week midwife visit because they closed the office on Tuesday due to Frankenstorm. I am going in tomorrow at 9am and I hope that doesn't make me late for work. Danny has to work midnight-8am, so I hope he can come with me even though he'll be terribly tired, because we are having our last ultrasound. I'm not sure why that is necessary, because she should be able to feel if the baby is breech or not without that, but I'm kind of done fighting and asking questions this time around. I might as well... Also, it'll be good to just make sure it's a girl. Otherwise, we have 4 weeks to make some changes. Ha! That would be a mini disaster I guess...

I am really craving some peanut butter filled chocolate, but the bag that looks the best is $12 and I'm not doing that...

I'm super sore and super tired even though I slept 10 or 11 hours last night and have been getting at least 8 hours every other night and taking naps when possible. I guess she's in super growth mode and it's using up a lot of energy.


~35 weeks, 6 days~

Checking things off the list...

I am very much looking forward to being able to be able to hug Danny tightly without a big belly in the way. I'm also looking forward to...not having to pee 1000x a day and night, non elastic waisted jeans, being able to roll over more easily, painting my nails, being free from violent hiccups, not having super sore leg and back muscles, being able to chow down on some tuna... but mostly, I can't wait to see and hold our little baby!

I have my last sonogram coming up on Tuesday. Side note on sonograms- I think it's sneaky and weird that pregnancy doctor costs are supposedly covered 100% by insurance, but that doesn't include sonograms or any kind of testing. So all that blood work, and that dumb glucose test are all out of pocket expenses. Fantastic.

Danny and I have Bradley class this morning. We only have 5 more including today. Maybe we'll have 6 if she's late. I hope that's not the case.

We had a maternity photo shoot with our wedding photographer, Wendy Hickok on Wednesday. We always have so much fun with her! We didn't expect to have a preggo shoot so soon after the wedding! We went to Cylburne Arboretum and played in the leaves and trees. I can't wait to see the images! She would show us a couple shots on the screen of her camera and I kept being surprised that I was so pregnant. I almost forget that I look so differently. I'm so pregnant! We also got on the calendar for a newborn shoot. She said they are best in the first 15 days after they are born, because they still cuddle up really tightly and sleep most of the time. I've been trying to plan little outfits and themes. It will be so close to Christmas by then, so I'm thinking of something pepperminty for one look. :) we'll see what we come up with...

Danny put together the changing table and I got the mattress and sheets set up in the crib. The nursery is starting to come together! We are painting on Sunday, hopefully. I need to get some more baskets for under the changing table and we need to get a bookshelf, a couple little shelves for the wall, a curtain rod, and another panel of curtains (because I was unaware that they sell each side separately). After that, we should be all set!

I keep checking TheBump.com's checklist of stuff to do before baby arrives. It's been a very helpful tool. I have pretty much everything I need for my hospital bag, but I still need to physically pack the bag. I have a meeting with a pediatrician, Dr. Nold on Wednesday morning. I've heard good things about him from a few different similar minded people and he is pretty flexible and understanding. There aren't any holistic/integrative pediatricians in Maryland. The closest is Alexandria, VA. So hopefully, we'll have a great relationship with Dr. Nold.
I preregistered with the hospital and I pretty much am on schedule now with things to do. I'm trying to read as much as possible, but I'm sure it will be okay if I still am reading after her arrival.

Time to go to Bradley!

~35 weeks, 2 days~

coming down to the wire

i went to the midwife today.  it was a much better experience than last time, due to a different midwife.  i also brought Danny along with me for support, since i was so uncomfortable last time.  i really like Shaina and Jennifer.  i felt very comfortable today and it was helpful to have danny there and ask the questions he had, and help me remember what i wanted to ask.  i just like to have him around, ya know?

i have crazy track mark bruises from the blood test yesterday.  i look like a junkie.

i am 167.5 pounds, my belly is 32 cm, my blood pressure was 118/50 and the baby's head is almost where it's supposed to be.  her head is at the bottom, but she's facing my belly button rather than my spine.  she still has time to turn over, but at least she's upside down already.  in 2 weeks and 2 days, she'll be 36 weeks, and hopefully she'll move by then.  i have an appointment in 2 weeks (35 weeks and 5 days), and i'll have my last ultrasound and a strep b test :(.  i'm ready to be done with all these tests.

she moves around SO much!  i shall call her wiggle worm.

it's so weird how pregnant i am, haha.  that's a weird thing to say, but it seems like not that long ago that we found out i was pregnant- which didn't seem super real.  now i'm just 6 weeks away to having a baby.  it's amazing how much can change during a pregnancy.  the hormones are partially responsible for changing your attitude, probably.  i'm really excited now, but at the beginning, i was kind of mad and definitely scared and disappointed that i got pregnant so young and only 5 months into being finally married.  now, i can't wait!  parts of this are still really scary.  being a mom is going to be a big change, but i feel like it couldn't be any other way now.  yay!  come out!

danny and i are both really curious as to what she will look like.  genetics are absolutely not an exact science with an equation to follow.  we'll have to see!  ideally she'll have parts of both of us, so she can be prettier than both.  :)  i really hope she has a lot of danny in her.  the bushy eyebrows can be left off of her, since she's a girl, haha.  i have a hunch that she's going to be really pretty.  but that could just be cuz i'm her mom.  i picture her having really sparkly eyes...like a ruby??  (not red like a ruby, cuz then she'd be an albino.)  ooooh i can't wait to see her chubby face.

i got so much done yesterday.  i obviously finally did my glucose test, and i also finally officially changed my name!  i finally registered to vote (i don't know what took me 6 years, it took 5 minutes to do.)  i mailed my thank you cards from my shower, i returned some baby clothes that i had bought and shouldn't have, and we bought the paint for the nursery!  :)  i also got a lot of reading done in the baby book while i waited for 2 hours at LabCorp and 20-30 minutes in the Social Security office.   it feels good to check things off a list.

i think i'm going to make some banana bread. :)

kick kick kick kick kick kick

~33 weeks, 5 days~

Random thoughts and updates

I wish I could lie on my back.

I have to drink blue sugar water and get my blood drawn 4-8 times in 2 hours this morning.

I'm not looking forward to that.

I should make cookies.

Our baby will be here in 45 days.

How will we pay rent during maternity leave?

I hope I can get a nannying job in like December or January.

I hope that.

I signed up for a target credit card just so I could receive free shipping on a bassinet mattress. At 22.9% interest, I won't ever use it again. But it saves me $23 in shipping.

Litter boxes are disgusting. I'm over it. Clean it yourself, Miles. Better yet, go in the toilet.

We need to tour the maternity ward ASAP.

I wrote my birth plan. I should type it.

I wonder if I should use unscented laundry detergent on the baby clothes. I did on the ones I washed already, but I ran out and now all I have is Mrs. Meyer's lavender.

Is it time to start working 4 days a week instead of 5? That would be wonderful, but I don't know if it's smart. We've got a lot of saving to do!

I need to interview pediatricians and then pick one. I can't find holistic. Hopefully, I can at least find an integrative one who won't think I'm a crazy hippy. How often are babies supposed to go to them anyway? I still have a lot of reading to do...

Dr. Sears and his Baby Book will be accompanying me to LabCorp this morning.

I feel badly for Danny because we both closed last night and didn't get to bed till 11 and he had to wake up at 3:40am to go to work again. :( he pulled a clopen a few days ago too.

I'm starving.

The end?

~33 weeks, 4 days~

Staycation

Ohhhh man. 33 weeks. 7 left. I can do this! My hips hurt SO much!! No amount of stretching and massage is seeming to help. My belly is in the way for some stretches anyway. It's like the inner thigh, where the legs connect to the hip, and my super low back and tailbone. They're killing me! They cramp up all the time and oh man, it's not enjoyable. My upper back isn't peachy either, but that's normal.

I'm getting sick of a million people telling me I've popped. Yeah, well that's what happens. I'm fully aware that I'm pregnant. With that, comes a big belly. But then the other half of the time, people are telling me I haven't gained weight anywhere but the basketball on my stomach and that I look great. I love hearing that. I'll admit it! I enjoy being complimented! It is encouraging when you FEEL like crap that someone doesn't think you look like it too.

I had a horrible night sleep the past several nights. She's not kicking me and keeping me awake, I just keep having stressful dreams and other hindrances to rest. I've also been experiencing crazy hot flashes. I'm so glad it's getting colder outside, because I've been needing the air conditioning on crazy stupid temperatures because otherwise, I'll be kept awake from sweating. The insanely cold temperatures at Whole Foods probably messed up my normal body thermometer. They keep it freezing in the store, and my body has probably gotten used to that. Feeling overheated is a normal symptom though, so who knows.

On a better note, Danny and took a little staycation from Sunday-Wednesday. That's how poor people do a baby moon. I had my baby shower on Saturday, which was fun and pretty and full of free food. :) Jenna made us play this disgusting baby food tasting game. Me and my sister competed, while blind folded. Um, disgusting. BUT apparently, I Should be a chef because I got every one right. Sweet palate. Very strange...

Then on sunday, Danny and I went to the Renaissance festival after church. I had never been, so we had fun, even though it was sprinkling rain the whole time. We had an umbrella, and I was happy for cool fall weather. The next day, Danny ran a bath for me as soon as I woke up. He even scrubbed it first and lit beeswax candles. I soaked in the Biggs and Featherbell flower soak and it was simply delightful. He's so great. After my relaxing morning, we went to Butler's Orchard in Montgomery County and picked pumpkins and wild flowers, and we bought pumpkin butter and apple jelly and apple cider slush and had a grand old time. We went to the county version of Founding Farmers for dinner. :)

My birthday was on Tuesday- (I'm 24!) and we relaxed a lot of the day and i wrote my shower thank you cards, did some returns I think, and went to target to get a lamp and curtains for the nursery. We enjoyed lunch brunch at Miss Shirley's. Pumpkin. Cheesecake. Stuffed. French Toast. Oh man. So yummy. Danny had class at night, and we didn't want to spend any more money, so we canceled our late dinner reservations. I enjoyed a pedicure while he was at school. :) that was my first one since very early pregnancy. It was long awaited and wonderful.

Then, on Wednesday, we spent a lot of the day cleaning the apartment. It sounds lame, but that was honestly one of the best birthday presents ever. Danny helped so much and our apartment looks awesome. I washed almost all of the baby clothes and sheets and blankets and folded them in her room. We still want to paint that dresser, but at least they're away. We have a lot of decorating and painting to do, but our apartment is becoming a home! Then, last night, we went out for family birthday dinner at Woodberry Kitchen in Baltimore. I had never been, because it's so expensive, so it was a good place for pops to pay. ;). It was so delicious. It's a farm to table restaurant, so I ate meat. Yum.

My mom had the crib she bought for us in the car, so we transferred it to ours and Danny set it up last night since he didn't have to work early this morning. We watched Cinderella, which was one of my presents :). And now we're back to work. *sigh*

I am so glad we took that little vacation. Holiday retail madness is starting soon and the baby is coming soon after that.

~33 weeks~

P.S. a passerby just asked me, an 8 months pregnant chick, if I had a cigarette...

59 days left...

It's not just kicks. I feel every single movement. I feel like she's out of room in there.

I also feel like I need to be eating more, but I don't have a huge appetite lately. I make sure to get my greens and veggies and fruits every day and I'm eating way more organic, hormone free, grass fed dairy and hormone free, sustainably raised meat. I just hope I'm getting enough every day.

I gotta start making smoothies every morning again.

Yesterday, Danny and I went to Home Depot to get some paint chips for a few different rooms in the apartment. (we're not painting any time soon, cuz we need money for other things, but hopefully we'll at least do the nursery). I found Martha Stewart GLITTER PAINT!!! In red. :) it will definitely be used. I have lots of fun ideas for the walls, and im going to brainstorm with my friend, Justine soon and show her my sketches. She's an artist with a fun, whimsical, and bright style, so she's perfect for what I want to do for little Baby J.

I go to the midwife tomorrow. I still haven't gotten my glucose screening test. I don't want to. Is that weird? I'm like 99.9% sure I don't have gestational diabetes. I would know by now, right? Wouldn't I be passing out or something? I feel fine and normal. I have so many questions about delivery for her. Oh man. Oh man.

Danny's soccer game is tonight, and it's going to be freezing. I really need some fall maternity clothes, but I don't want to spend money on them. My sweatshirts are even too tight around my belly, so they're uncomfortable. I'm definitely bringing a blanket.

There's a purple area above my belly button that looks like a bruise. But it's not. Purple baby? Is that you? What's going on?

My baby shower is this Saturday :). And then Danny and I are taking off work for a couple days to celebrate my birthday (the 9th) and do some fun fall things away from the hum drum of work. :) I'm excited about that. Luckily, it overlaps the weekend, so I'll only lose 1-2 days of work and I can use some pto. Hooray! Fall fun! Birthday! Baby shower! Oh, and I'm getting a pedicure. Finally! :)

Now I'm going back to work. 30 minutes is not long enough.

~31 weeks, 4 days~

31 weeks tomorrow

Pregnancy is weird. I'm pretty sure everyone who said it was wonderful and beautiful and magical doesn't remember it all. The first 3 months are constant nausea and fatigue, then in the 2nd trimester, you feel better, but you get fat, then the third trimester is a whole basket of discomfort featuring treats such as heartburn, swollen feet and ankles, crazy dreams, fatigue, contractions, painful kicks in the vagina, and oh so much more! I'm looking forward to the baby, but I'm kind of perplexed as to why people would enjoy this. I guess it's the whole miracle of life thing. Feeling her kick is pretty cool, even if I wish she would go to sleep half of the time. :)

I still haven't taken my glucose screening test, which I have to do before my next midwife visit on October 2nd. I'm pretty sure I don't have gestational diabetes, cuz I would be passing out by now if I did. I think... I'm just not looking forward to fasting and drinking blue sugar water and having my blood drawn. Sounds like a recipe for disaster! I already want to eat an entire banquet 9 times a day, so I have no idea how I'm going to handle fasting for 12 hours. In normal life, that wouldn't be so difficult, but in 3rd trimester world, it seems impossible!

I wake up early no matter what because I need to eat something, and also because Miles, my cat, meows incessantly until you get up and feed him. I'll kill him. I will. That's not true, I love him and he's super cute. But he smells terrible since he poops like 6 times a day and I can't scoop it due to being pregnant, (score!) so if Danny's already at work or something, I have to stay away from that darn box, which is hard to do in a small apartment. Gross. I don't know how I'm going to manage it when I'm home all the time with the baby. Gross!

Lately, I've been reading The Baby Book, by Dr. Sears. I really like it, but it's left me with so many questions to ask my midwife. I had to compile a list so that I don't forget. Things such as...what is your episiotomy rate and what will we do to avoid it? How does the scene look with the midwives in a hospital delivery? They have complete control and a doctor would only be there in case of emergency, right? Will I be able to control the lighting? Can I play music? Will I labor, deliver, and recover in the same room? And many more...

I'm sad I won't be able to labor in a tub. I think it would be very helpful. I will try to do that some at home before we go to the hospital. I also need to ask how long it's ok to stay at home during labor before I need to go to the hospital. It's only a 15-20 minute drive. And I'd like to be comfortable and in control for the first part. You're less likely to be forced into unnecessary medical procedures if you spend more time laboring at home. I also need to come up with a birth plan, even though I know it's extremely common for you to stray from them.

My appointments are turning into biweekly occasions now, and soon, I'll be there every week. Weird!

It's strange to think that just a year ago, I was a newlywed without any thoughts of having a baby, and now...she'll be here pretty soon. I'm so excited about having a baby, and I know this is obviously God's plan for us...But it's definitely crazy!

My baby shower is coming up soon, on October 6th, so that's exciting. We were going to have a bump photo shoot with Wendy next Sunday, but decided to wait a little bit longer so that we can get some fall foliage and a bigger bump.

Well that's that. I'm going to try to join Danny in slumber land for an hour or so. More thoughts later!

~30 weeks, 6 days~

27 weeks

Well it certainly has been quite a while since I've posted, huh? I'm not sure what has kept me- but I will try to recount as much as I can remember about what has happened in the last month...

Danny and I went to the beach with my family on August 3rd. The Isaacs go to Myrtle Beach, SC every summer and Danny has been coming with us for the last 5 years. We were very much looking forward to having 2 full weeks of vacation and a relaxing time in the sunshine and water. It feels like I barely see the sun in the summer anymore. Work forces us to be indoors, we don't had a pool membership because they're so dang ridiculously overpriced, and I don't enjoy lying out in the sun when it's really hot and there is no water for a refreshing dip. I used to enjoy being super tan in the summers and would even go to the tanning beds starting around April or May to get my base. This summer was very different, and I was pale pale pale before beachy time. I lied out a few days before we left and got burnt! So the first couple days at the beach saw my skin freckling, peeling, and a little bit tanning.

I'm more interested in keeping my skin healthy and not getting saggy, wrinkly, and leathery, so I actually enjoy not being super dark. Funny how your perspective changes over time. I used to dislike my skin when I was "pale" because it showed all my flaws. My skin has usually been pretty good, but due to a healthy lifestyle, great natural facial products, a good intake of water, and now pregnancy hormones, my skin feels great without a tan. I think I'll keep her.

Well anyway, I thought about writing a post while I was sitting in my beach chair, but when I have time with Danny, I'd rather not distract myself with something else. For those of you who don't know, we're pretty obsessed with each other, so to have 2 weeks away from work together was precious. So everything we did at the beach was together. How glorious! We really had a fun time making raw smoothies and soups, playing in the water, getting ice cream, driving to Wilmington, building massive sand castles, even shopping. Unfortunately, we decided to come back 2 days early so that we could move while we still had days off of work We asked the apartment if we could move in on Friday, rather than the scheduled Monday. It was the right decision so that we could get our moving done all at once, but it was sad to give up 2 days at the beach. :(

So we finally moved!! Hooray! 6 months of staying with family to pay off debt, and we did it. It's too bad that we gave up 2 weeks of pay to be on vacation. Danny had PTO, but I barely had any. So our last paycheck and the one we get tomorrow are pretty small. So our budget is pretty tight right now. We're hoping this paycheck is enough to cover rent an BGE and all the other stuff.

Our apartment is pretty good and in our price range. The kitchen cabinets are hideous and there is a fluorescent like in there, but everything else is great. We have a 1 bedroom with a den instead of a 2 bedroom. The den is the baby's room- it has a big window and no door, so we have to figure out a way to keep Miles out of there.

So I'm 27 weeks! That's almost 7 months! And it feels so much different than earlier in pregnancy, both physically and mentally. I'd really like to be donezo and just have the baby now. I hope I'm still taking care of myself the way I should. 9 months is a long time. I have eaten way too many doughnuts lately from this awesome place near out apartment. They're hand made and awesome and we've seriously had like 1000 of them.

I still have a lot to do and I still have 13 weeks to go. I need to be focused on making and saving money since I will have completely unpaid maternity leave. 6 weeks of no pay and then I have to go back to work if I want to keep my job, even though I really don't want to be away from the baby. I also will lose my 30% discount when I go down to part time and it will be 20% instead. :(

I also need to take a Bradley method class and I havent signed up yet. I need to get my glucose screening test. I have to find a pediatrician. I haven't read enough books yet, and we don't have any furniture or anything for the baby- so we still have a lot to do, but I am starting to wish for time to go more quickly.

My feet are killing me from the concrete floor at work and I'm bracing myself for another 8 hour shift tonight. I don't get off till 10:30. :( so late!

Danny just started another class, so we have books to pay for and he's got to spend a lot of time doing work. It's good for the long run. He also just got a little bit of a raise at work, since he officially got the position he's been doing for a couple months. Hooray!

Random thoughts over- time for a shower and off to Whole Foods.

~27 weeks~

It's a girl! And I like her!

So we finally found out the sex! It's a girl!! Our second experience with the imaging center was much better. We had a different ultrasound technician, who was highly more competent and pleasant. She looks so much more like a baby now. I'm starting to finally feel connected to her. This lady also thought it was ridiculous that the previous woman didn't print any pictures for us, because apparently it was totally possible. So this time, we got a couple. I got to see her moving and kicking a ton and putting her little hands by her face. So cute! I also am really feeling her kick and punch now. Here's her pretty profile.

I went back to the midwifery center and that's where I'll be staying now. I listened to her heartbeat again on the Doppler and she kept finding wherever it was and directly punching it. Then she whooshes away again. I like her. Haha.

The midwife wants me to write down everything I eat for 2 weeks. Doing that has veered me more towards the right choices and has made me think twice about French fries and too much ice cream. It's kind of annoying! But it's helpful. I want my baby to be used to all the good stuff and not have the taste buds for just fatty and sugary things. Yikes.

I have to schedule my glucose screening test before my 28 week visit. I don't know how long it takes to get those results. Should I go a few days before my appointment? A couple weeks? I'll be at the beach from August 4- August 18 and my appointment is on the 21st. Is it enough time to take the test on the 20th? Or maybe I should try to find a LabCorp in South Carolina.

On a different note, I'm obsessed with baby girl clothes and I wish I had bajillions of dollars so I could go crazy. I'm hoping for a Gap sale soon because those $30 baby dresses that she'll only wear for a couple months are irresistible!

We took a tour of the apartment we almost moved into back in May. This time, we saw the 2 bedroom, which is like a tiny town house. Emphasis on tiny. The bedrooms are microscopic. The prices have also gone up. No surprise. The 2 bedroom started at 1295 and the one bedroom, which used to be 1000, is now 1287. Great! The search continues. There was another property we had in mind that is just down the street from this other place. We finally actually went to talk to them and took a tour. There is a one bedroom with a den which is less than the 2 bedroom, but is definitely enough space for us. The den will be our nursery/ craft and piano room probably. I don't know yet. We'll probably had a bassinet in our room and a crib elsewhere. The size is nice and it's not fancy, but we can make it cute. We're going to opt for the un-renovated kitchen to save $100 a month. The renovated one is not so impressive anyway. I just dont want to be on the first floor. The apartment is not ideal, but it's in our price range, it's in a good location for us, and we can work with it. We're hoping to move at the end of August or beginning of september. Hopefully august so we can use the pool for a few weeks. And so that we're not stuck moving on our anniversary.

I've moved down from 40 to 32-36 hours at work. Mostly 32 actually. It feels a lot nicer, but I still wish I didn't have to be on my feet so much. I gotta hold out for 4 more months! We need the money.

We leave for the beach in 11 days and I need another swim suit or 2. I can't wait to be in the sunshine finally. I have never been this pale this late in the summer. Thanks, retail hours. Danny's excited to spend 5 hours a day on sand castles. Hooray!

Time for a smoothie and some yoga.

~21 weeks, 5 days~

Banana baby

Oh my, it's been a while since I've posted! Where to begin?

I'm halfway done with my pregnancy! That's hard to believe. It feels more real because I FEEL pregnant. For one thing, I look it. The bump looks less like I party with 40's too hard, and more like a baby bump. It's even almost obvious through my apron at work.

I'm starting to feel movement, although it doesn't feel like kicks. The kicks usually feel like I have to fart, and it's annoying when that symptom isn't relieved. This little girl or guy sure is a fast mover. Speaking of lovely things like flatulence, my constipation had pretty much been healed due in part to some homeopathic medicine specifically for constipation during pregnancy. It really works! I've always been more of an herb girl, and kind of skeptical about homeopathics, but now I'm singing a different tune.

I just started taking some arnica now that I'm a believer. Internal combined with topical is supposed to be more effective, and I've been slathering Traumeel on my back when I remember. I've had trouble with my back for years, and I've just gotten used to being in pain all the time, but I decided to try to start fixing it before I deliver, because being aligned and unafraid of throwing my back out seemed like a good idea. I went to a new chiropractor, who was recommended by a coworker patient. Her friend went there originally because her babies were breached, and Dr. Tania Howard moved them so that she could deliver vaginally after a c-section. They have tables that accommodate your bump and they are all natural. My thermal scan and other scan were surprisingly bad! It makes sense why I hurt so much! I have tons of nerve compression, muscle tension, and disc turning. Thankfully, my scoliosis is muscular, not spinal, so it can be fixed. Hooray! 23/24 is a great age to be fixing and being pregnant makes your body kind of like Gumby, so it's a great time to do pt. I'm going 2x a week for at least 12 weeks. I love it there! The place is called Broadneck Family Chiropractic. I'm starting pregnancy yoga a couple times a week at Charm City Yoga to help with recovery as well. And I'm signing up for Yoga Birth with Danny. It starts in September. I need to be looking at Bradley Method classes as well!

I'm officially switching back to the Midwifery center. I have to get the doctor to send over all of my tests and information, which I'm afraid will be somewhat of a hassle. My next ultrasound is tomorrow, because they missed some things, or rather didn't get clear pictures. It's probably because I was a little short of 18 weeks. Now I'll be about 21 and hopefully everything will be clear- including the sex! I'm not getting my hopes up, but we probably will know by this week! My next appointment with the midwives is on Friday. I only have a couple weeks to decide if I want to give birth in the birthing center, or the hospital, because there is a lot of paperwork. I'm not sure what to do. Some people have been scaring me into a hospital birth. I trust my body, but there are still questions. If something went wrong, and it was time sensitive, and they couldn't deal with it in the center, I would never forgive myself. I also can't think like that! But at least I'll be with the midwives, even if I deliver in the hospital. Anne arundel medical center is nice, i hear I want to take a tour! Hopefully I can do that soon.

We will be taking a tour of the apartment we want on Wednesday. Still trying to decide between the 1 bedroom and the 2 bedroom. We'll be there at least till the baby is 10 months old. It's only like a $200 difference. We're on a waiting list right now, but hopefully we'll move in at the end of August, or early September. We'll be in Myrtle Beach for 2 weeks starting August 3rd, and only Danny has 2 weeks of PTO. Therefore, we'll be a little low on cash, so money wise, later is better. Sanity and stress wise, the sooner the better. I want to settle and be able to afford paint and decorations for the "nursery". A shorter commute to work is highly welcome, too. 18 minutes rather than 50 will be very nice.

I took this career test through towson again. I've done it a couple times now, because it's interesting to compare results after I figure more about my work preferences, values, etc. Last time I took it, I had more options, which was confusing...too many choices. I've worked at Whole Foods for a year now, and I've been out of college for over 2. I've been able to streamline what I want out of a job. Having a baby on the way changes some of the answers, too. So this time, hallelujah, I only had ONE category as my results. Applied Arts. Makes sense! Performing arts was out as a career because I wouldn't make enough money for all the work I was doing and all the time spent away from my family. Underpaid feels like under appreciated to me, so I wouldn't be happy. If I perform, it's going to be for fun, not out of necessity. So that was out. Other things were out based on my abilities and interests. So I'm left with applied arts! I could be a graphic artist- print or software, a fashion designer, interior designer, industrial designer, photographer, etc. I could have my own company for a lot of it, which means I could work at home. When I'm doing something hands on and creative- a 40 hour work week is a breeze. I don't count the hours when I'm doing something I love. I have to force myself to take breaks. So maybe I will be a photographer after all. There's so much I could do with it! I could write cookbooks and do the pictures for it, I could take great photos of clothing I sew and design. I could obviously do weddings- which I think are great. Etc, etc. I might start school in the fall. It depends on whether or not my professors will be ok with me possibly delivering during finals, haha. So that's exciting for me...

Anyway, I'm getting off track of the whole pregnancy thing. Here are my symptoms...heartburn, shortness of breath, frequent pee trips.

I will post a picture of the swimming baby ASAP assuming there will bra good one this time. If not, I'm definitely scheduling a 4D. Speaking of D, I need new bras and bathing suits. I better be pregnant a few times, because all this maternity clothing adds up!

Well that's all for now. Time to get another hour of sleep before work.

~20 weeks, 5 days~

Thunderstorms, awkward technicians, and free onesies

The biggest thunderstorm of my life hit us on Friday. It was so crazy. The house was shaking violently, it was pouring, and at least a million trees were blown over. The power went out and we still can't get the Internet to work. On our way to work the next day, we had to turn around at least 3 times due to giant trees blocking the road. I had already not showered in three days prior to the storm, so not having water was concerning. (We have a well, so electricity controls that, too). Last night, Danny and I finally went over to our family friends' house to swim and shower in their pool house. It feels good to be clean! We went to sleep at 10 because it was so dark and there was nothing to do anyway. Right as we were drifting off, the fan started to turn. Hallelujah! A breeze amidst the 100 degree weather. So the power, including A/C and water came back on to save the day.

Ok...so...I'm 18 weeks and I have my next OB appointment at 20. She told me to make an ultrasound appointment before that so they could do the anatomy check and everything and send it to the doctor before my next appointment. I got the feeling that it took longer than it actually does, for the doctor to get the pictures and info. So I called the medical imaging center earlier last week and was ready to make an appointment for a week before my doctor's appointment. They took me off guard saying they could take me pretty much right away, so I made an appointment for Friday, because that is when I was off of work. I was super excited to find out the sex of the baby!

Well...my excitement was dampened, because that didn't really happen. We got called into the sonogram room and I was told to lie down on the table thing. She squirted enormous of warming ky Jelly on my stomach and went straight to work. I couldn't see the screen, she wasn't narrating, and I was super uncomfortable. At least an hour went by of back aches and frustration about not knowing anything that was going on. I was so jealous of Danny, because he got to see everything. I wouldn't have been so jealous if I had known how disappointing the images were. Still, he got to see the baby kicking and moving around. I finally got to see a couple boring still images when she told me to lay on my side in order to try to get the baby to change positions. What we saw is not what I expected to see from other peoples' sonograms and what you see on the internet. She never did a full shot of the baby, never a profile, never anything interesting. All we got was a kidney here, the head circumference there...She mumbled the whole time and was just quite an awkward human being. I fell asleep at one point! Ugh, what a disappointing experience.

As if it didnt suck enough already, she couldn't really see well enough to determine the gender. The baby's legs kept crossing when she was trying to look. She viewed the area from behind and the bottom, because it was head down. She said "hmm, those lines right there look like they could be labia". I said, "ok..." (I wasn't convinced.) "GIRL PARTS." yeah thanks, i know what labia are. I asked how sure she was and she wavered. She said she would put money on it. That doesnt mean much to me, lady! How much money? So i'm not exactly ready to start picking out nursery items and registering for sparkly shoes just yet. :(

So then at the end, when she finally was done scanning me for body parts, she said "oh yeah, sorry, normally you would get so many images, but our printer is broken." "um...what?" "yeah, a lot of people like to have stuff for their scrapbook." "uh. Yeah!" "yeah, sometimes we could do a disc of the images" she said as she was basically chasing us out of the door. "...so...can we get one?". I felt like I was at an amusement park where they are trying to sell you the picture from the roller coaster you just went on. Well, I wants to buy it! "oh yeah, sure, I'll go make one". Great! Cool! Why didn't you say so in the first place? Well it wasn't really worth it anyway. I mean, it was free, of course. Silly me. But it didn't open on my Mac, so I took it downstairs to my parents' pc. And yeah, the pictures are super disappointing. And I still don't know whether it's a boy or girl!! Ah!

So, I guess I'll just have to keep waiting. Normally, if you're a low risk pregnancy, you don't get many sonograms. I might pay for the 4d ridiculous one now, which I said I wouldn't do, but not I'm desperate. I want to see it's face! And I want to know boy or girl. I just want to knoooow! Hopefully, my doctor will help me figure this all out in 2 weeks at my next appointment. Mrah.

Some good news, small as it may be, is that I got a few free glass bottles and 4 free super cute onesies from shrunk items at work. :) there's a silver lining about inventory!

Blah, blah.

~18 weeks, 3 days~

I could sleep standing up

I'm sure of it! It wouldn't take much. I would sleep on the sales floor if I was allowed. My baby is about to double in size, so it's major growth spurt time, which means major tired time. I took a 3 hour nap yesterday!
I've located one out of 2 running shoes. I cant work out with 1. Where is the other? I can't find Danny's either. I don't know how I would possibly have energy for the gym after an 8 hour shift where I'm already super tired. I can do yoga barefoot. I'll have to be more disciplined with committing to the time for practice. I don't feel like a fatty, but I wish I was building some muscle. My tummy is retry noticeable now. It's funny how strangers smile at you when you're pregnant.
Ugh! And I have a new found addiction to Sprite!! What's wrong with me! There are preservatives and tons of sugar. And I like can't get enough! Ew!
I finally ordered our wedding photo book last week and it arrived today. :) I was waiting for a good sale and enough money in our bank account to order it. I added stuff along the way. It's taken 9 months, and after I ordered it, I still realized more that I could have out in there. I like it and it only had one typo. It was a late addition, so it didn't get checked 1000 times. The back cover says "Gensis 2:24-25". Whoops! I guess that's the country accent version of Genesis? Oh well! I had to finish the wedding book so that I could make a baby book eventually!
I am currently trying to catch up on all the handmade scrap books I make. I started them back in 2007 as a gift to Danny. I made him a scrapbook of us from when we first started hanging out and dating (without being a couple, because I was not interested in him being my boyfriend) in the fall of 2006. So I've made one for every year of our relationship, but I've gotten behind. Partially because printing a ton of pictures gets expensive! But I've been trying to play major catch up lately because I want them all finished before the baby comes. I also want to put together a wedding one with the unprofessional pictures and the programs and other memory things.
Im going to go work on them while I watch the Bachelorette. :) guilty pleasure, and I love it.

4 months!

I'm officially 16 weeks today. I had my monthly OB visit down in ol' Annapolis. It was a painless visit, literally. No lubey, cold metal exam. Phew! We just went over my blood work- I'm not anemic. So my tiredness is not a lack of iron, it's just pregnancy tired. That's good.
My blood pressure is 100/58 and I'm 153 pounds. I thought I was more, so I was scared that I lost a lot of weight, but I was 154 last month, apparently. It still feels like a big number, compared to what I usually am.
We heard the heartbeat again on ye fetal Doppler. It was at 152 bpm. A little slower than last month, cuz it's a lot bigger. It's still so fast cuz it's only the size of an avocado and it's in super growth stage.
We're excited to be able to see what the sex is in 3 weeks! We have to make a separate appointment at a Sonography lab or something. It's creepy that they all have "radiology" and "medical imaging" in their name. I don't want all those waves hitting my body and baby all the time, so it's a good thing that we don't get to see the baby every month.
They asked me for like the 4th time about all the testing that I already denied and signed a piece of paper in a million places saying I was denying all of it. I think she could tell I was annoyed, cuz she said I need to sign it, so that they don't keep pestering me about it. And then she realized I already had. I'm sick of talking about it and being asked about it. I shouldn't be made to feel guilty about denying invasive tests with faulty results that just cause more testing. I am not going to do anything differently anyway....so...
I wish there was a midwifery center in Howard county. I need to figure all this out. I have another appointment at the OBGYN next month, but I didn't schedule one for August. By then, I'll be 6 months, and would like to just go to a midwife after that.
I was weirded out that I haven't had to pay anything yet, so I asked today. She said my insurance covered me 100%,, so that I didn't owe anything. Hooray!! So exciting. :)

Danny and I got some fresh lemonade and ginger soda at Level downtown after the appointment. We also snacked on some fresh pickled vegetables and mushroom soup. Now we're stuck in rush hour. Whoops. Should have just stayed longer. But we didn't want to pay for more dinner there, so we left. My poor baby is being bored by a not so interesting story on NPR. ;)
I work mornings for the next 2 days, and then we're spending a day at the beach on Sunday! :)

~16 weeks~

Mini post

My belly can't make up it's mind. It's a different size and shape every day. Turn into a watermelon, belly! Shazam!

Midwifery

Let's give a little background. I've been into natural health for several years now. I went vegan originally in 2008, and have done that back and forth, always trying to find the healthiest balance. I work at Whole Foods in the Whole Body section, which is herbal supplements, natural vitamins, homeopathic remedies- both topical and internal, and natural body care.(we also have reference books, books on an Eco friendly lifestyle, cook books, local artist jewelry, etc). So, I've been studying natural remedies for a long time. I've never been a fan of medicine. My mom always took us to doctors that didn't use antibiotics as a default when we were growing up. I don't even take ibuprofen or Tylenol. I avoid antibiotics like the plague, and I always seek the natural option first. I've known for years that I wanted to give birth naturally. Thankfully, I have a few friends, and I have coworkers that have the same mind set. One of the girls I work with delivered with a midwife in a birthing center and said it was the most amazing experience of her life. Another girl is in nursing classes in order to become a midwife, and several others have studied about I and are very much into the woman being in control of her body, rather than doctors telling you what to do. It's a good environment to be in when I have questions. They have given me literature to read, etc.

Pregnancy is viewed as such a scary thing for a woman. We dont know anything about it! Most of us weren't raised in a hippie commune, or a close community of family, where all the women around you have gone through natural child birth, along with their mothers, grandmothers, etc. women have been giving birth for centuries, so it's funny that we view it as such an unnatural and terrifying experience. But how are we supposed to feel when there is a lack of ready information, and a lack of experienced women who did it the old fashioned way?

We are lead to believe that doctors are gods on earth and we are helpless, ignorant, unqualified patients. Most doctors guide you to the decision that is best for them and their schedule, not what is best for you and the baby. Knowing all this already made me scared to have a hospital birth with a team of physicians and nurses who don't study anything natural, who scoff at herbal remedies, and who only took a measly semester of basic nutrition in med school. They also push unnecessary testing on you. They're very persistent! I was really mad when they kept asking me the same questions about tests I had signed "no" to. They acted as if I was being stupid and would change my mind later.

I already knew I wanted a natural birth- no medical intervention, no rush, no drugs, no inducing labor, and I wanted to be able to move around. I have really liked the idea of a water birth for several years. Water is so soothing, it helps with the stress on your body, and it's an easy transition for the baby to go from amniotic fluid to water. Plus, I think it's beautiful.

But being pregnant is foreign to me, and it's scary sometimes. What if something went wrong? Good midwives still have plenty of medical training. And a lot of centers are super close to, or in the same complex as a hospital, so if something looked funny, you could still easily make a transfer in time. So, I have been to both a midwifery and a regular OBGYN so far. Because I'm young and scared, part of me is like- just go to the doctor! But then, the other part is more trusting in my body and in God's design and would rather go to the midwife. It's a difficult decision when I feel still uninformed.

Last night, I watched The Business of Being Born, which is produced by Ricki Lake. She had her first baby in a hospital and felt kind of robbed of the natural experience. She had her second child at home with a midwife. It was reassuring for me in my beliefs I'm glad I watched it. I feel like I need to go interview a bunch of different midwives and birthing centers before I make an appointment there. I can't have a home birth, because we don't have a home. I wish we were in new york, so that I could use the awesome woman in the movie. :)

I have a lot of work to do...

~15 weeks, 4 days~